Thursday, June 16, 2011

New York is So Freaking Badass

Sara and I just spent an epic ten days in New York and now I’ve got several hours on a plane to reflect. This will certainly be long, but I’ll be sure to put headings throughout so those who only care to scan can find the information they want quickly and easily.

The real purpose of this trip was research for Sara’s PhD dissertation, which was not in any way neglected and really went quite swimmingly. I won’t get into too much detail on that—if you’re really interested, you can read the dissertation in a year or so.

Considering we did not skimp on the research, it’s kind of amazing how many recreational activities we enjoyed. Off the top of my head, here’s the count:

-Two baseball games
-Seven Broadway musicals (Sara saw six of these)
-Six pizza places, gyro carts galore, and the Soup Nazi!
-Five museums
-Four bus tours
-Two trips on the Staten Island Ferry (essentially a free boat tour)
-Lots of general enjoyment of Times Square and the surrounding area
-Two cathedrals

Now for the (probably overly) detailed report:

Saturday, June 4, 2011

After an 8:50am flight, we arrived at LaGuardia Airport at about 2:00pm, took a cab to our hotel, and immediately headed out to Queens for a Mets game. We got there three hours early, so we grabbed a couple of hot dogs and sodas, and just enjoyed the park, which some German fellows informed us featured the globe from King of Queens and the towers from the end of Men In Black. Who knew? In this very nice park, we found our first museum!

Museum #1: Queens Museum of Art
This was just a little museum and we had time to kill, so we went in on a whim. The admission was only $2.50, but at first it was slightly disappointing. Then we found a scale model of the entire city of New York in a large, auditorium-sized room, and that made the admission fee more than worth it. There was a little walkway that one could take around the entire room, and it was kind of fun finding our current location, our hotel’s location, etc. Everything else was modern art, which I rarely appreciate. It just strikes me as people trying to be weird. Of course, there was this awesome thing outside the bathroom:














We left the museum, grabbed another couple of hot dogs (at $3 a piece, we probably saved $10-15 by buying them outside of the ballpark), and went to the Mets game.

Baseball Game #1: Mets vs. Braves
Citi Field was much nicer than Shea Stadium, but that’s not much of a consolation for the woes of Mets fans. They gave out free hats, which was awesome because I like free stuff. The Mets won 4-1 (or 4-2?), helped much by Jose Reyes’s tenth triple of the year. Too bad the win doesn’t really mean much to the team. Poor Mets fans—with the team’s location, income, nice ballpark, and core of young studs and great-though-oft-injured veterans, you’d think they’d be better, but you’d be wrong. It’s hard for me to feel too bad, though, since they’ve won the World Series more times than the San Francisco version of the Giants.


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Our hotel was in the west part of Queens, and only four subway stops from the Rockefeller Center. Given the money we saved by not staying in Manhattan, we couldn’t have asked for a more convenient location. We took our first excursion into downtown Manhattan and visited our fist cathedral.

Cathedral #1: Saint Patrick’s Cathedral
The intricate carvings in each of the small chapels along the sides of the building were incredible. Not much more to say about it. We stayed for about fifteen minutes of their service, and I experienced holy envy of the Catholic mass—it’s so cool that they concentrate so much on music and readings straight from the scriptures. Of course, I was also bothered that the music was mainly sung by a soloist (who was fantastic) and that the hymnals included only the melodies. Give me the harmonies and the ability to participate in the music, please.

We left the cathedral, took the subway north, and arrived in a nice neighborhood next to a very green park. I must say I was quite surprised by the number of tranquil parks in New York. It’s not what I expected, but I guess with the kind of unequalled urban sprawl present in the city, the residents need convenient, pastoral places to relax. We walked through the park up to our next target, another museum!

Museum #2: The Cloisters
This is a medieval museum in the northernmost part of Manhattan, with the building based on seven different medieval structures from around Europe. European medieval art is pretty cool, but I really prefer European art from the Renaissance through the nineteenth century. So this wasn’t totally my kind of thing, but it was enjoyable nonetheless. One nice thing about the museums in New York was that they have “suggested donations,” not admission fees. You have to donate to get in, and they ask for exorbitant amounts ($20 here at The Cloisters), but they’ll take whatever you can afford. We paid $4 each and I think it was too much. Rich people are supposed to support museums, not people on a budget!

The museum’s cafe was charging $9 for a small turkey sandwich, so we grabbed a couple of slices of cheese pizza in the neighborhood next to the subway before heading over to Brooklyn to make first contact with the group sponsoring the event on which Sara’s research centered.

Brooklyn Hare Krishna Temple, Trip 1
I’ve spent some time at Hare Krishna temples with Sara, but this one was very different. My experience in the past is that Krishna devotees are friendly, outgoing, and more than willing to talk. We arrived early, hoping to meet some people, but no one would speak to us. For those who know me, you know that I don’t really have any trouble talking to someone if I really want to talk, but that was not the case here. We would say hello, be greeted with a “Hare Krishna,” and then quickly find ourselves alone again. Eventually, their Sunday services started, and they were lovely (more holy envy of the concentration on music), and it was almost a relief to not need to speak to anyone for the three to four hours over which they took place. Afterward, we lined up for dinner, still found no one talking to us, and just when we were getting ready to leave, I finally asked a passing woman if the temple president was around (Sara had previously corresponded with him via email). As luck would have it, the woman was the temple president’s wife. Although her husband was busy at the time, she gave us her number, told us the best times to come back during the week, and left us feeling much more optimistic about the trip (after five hours of feeling quite distressed).

Monday, June 6, 2011

I have visited New York once in the past, and the open-topped, double-decker bus tour was a highlight of the trip for me. This being Sara’s first visit, we made sure to get a 48-hour pass which gave us unlimited rides on four bus tours, two of which allow you to hop off anytime there’s something you’d like to see. A guy at the Rockefeller Center had offered us tickets on Sunday, and we told him that we’d come back to him when we were ready to make our purchase, as he works on commission. We kept our word (it was only slightly inconvenient), and he was clearly surprised and pleased. We were glad to make his day. Onto our first bus tour!

(I got airsick, so the rest of this travelogue was written post-plane.)

Bus Tour #1: Uptown Manhattan
The tour took us around upper Manhattan, which was awesome. We jumped off the bus at our next destination, yet another museum.

Museum #3: Natural History Museum
Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always been fascinated by blue whales. I’ve seen them in film, seen pictures, seen diagrams showing how big they are, but have always wanted to see one in person. The Natural History Museum gave me the next best thing: a scale model. Let’s just say that it lived up to expectations. We went through most of the other rooms and ended in the dinosaur bone exhibit, which was also super badass. I got to see a tyrannosaurus rex, man. Overall, this museum was a blast. One thing bugged me: I told the guys we were starving students (which is half true) when we donated only $4 each (as opposed to their suggested donation of $20). They laughed and said the term was starving artist, not starving student. Stupid elitist New Yorkers and their lack of knowledge about common terms.

We grabbed a couple $7 lamb gyros outside of the museum, which we later learned was exorbitant overpricing. It was delicious, but I also ruined a semi-new shirt because we had to eat on a park bench (in Central Park!). Damn that delicious gyro with its yummy white sauce. Back on the bus tour for a little bit, until we came to another cathedral.

Cathedral #2: The Cathedral of St. John The Divine
According to the bus tour guide, this is the biggest cathedral in Christendom. It was freaking huge. And someone was playing the organ when we walked in. It was deafeningly awesome. We only spent about twenty minutes here, then we waited for thirty minutes for another bus to come by (they’re supposed to come every fifteen minutes. Grrr...). When one finally did come, it was full, so we had to wait for another one. I was quite upset by this, but we finally got back to Times Square.

They have this booth in Times Square called TKTS, where you can get Broadway tickets for 20-50% on the day of the show. We went and inquired about a few shows, but it was a slow day and they have a policy that you must buy the best tickets available. Therefore, most shows were $70-80 a piece. We were discussing shows with one of their employees, who was just there to answer questions, and he mentioned going to the Times Square Visitor Center and getting a list of shows that do rush tickets. This proved to be a pivotal moment in our trip, but more on this later.

We had time to kill until the night bus tour, so we walked around, looking for a cheap meal, and found that this was impossible in Times Square...unless one ate at a food cart. We got a couple of $4 gyros (yes, twice in one day, and completely worth it!) and I managed to stain my pants, but not to the ruination level of my shirt. This was not a good day for my clothing.

Bus Tour #2: Night Tour
This was the best tour. It was brilliant weather, we got to see Manhattan and Brooklyn at night, and it was just generally very relaxed. Our tour guide was an awesome girl from Brooklyn, and she noted that we were really into the tour--afterwards she mentioned that she appreciated our enthusiasm and asked where we from. She was surrounded by people, so we didn’t stay to chat too long, and I regretted this for a couple of days. I kept saying to Sara, “We should have stayed and talked to her! She was so awesome and now we’ll never see her again!” I’m a weird guy.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Obtaining tickets for our first Broadway show
Okay, so what we learned from the guy at the TKTS booth is that many shows on and off Broadway do “rush” tickets, which means you show up at a specific time (usually when the box office opens at 10:00am or two hours before curtain), and you can get reduced price tickets on the day of the show. (Some of the more popular shows do lotteries, but more on this later.)

Sara and I decided to split up and try for two different shows. We targeted two revivals: I went to Anything Goes and Sara went to How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. (The tickets were first come, first serve, so we wanted to expand our chances to get them.) Ten minutes before the box office opened, an employee of the Anything Goes theatre announced that they had only ten tickets. I was thirtieth in line, so I quickly rushed over to the closest theatre, which was for Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark. During this time, I was constantly in contact with Sara to make sure we didn’t both buy tickets, which would have been a disaster. The person in line in front of me bought the last Spiderman tickets, so I ran across the street to Mary Poppins. No one was in line and they had tickets left, but Sara was only four people back now. I waited to step forward, scared by the two groups of people who walked in and bought tickets before me, but Sara got the last pair for How to Succeed... They cost $30 each. List price: $132. $204 saved, just like that. Heck yes.

Bus Tour #3a: Downtown Manhattan
We did half of the lower Manhattan tour bus before jumping off at Battery Park to catch the Brooklyn tour. Interesting, but nothing noteworthy enough to write down here.

Museum #4: National Museum of the American Indian
We stepped in here mainly because it was free, had restrooms, and was air conditioned. We did look around, though, and there was some cool stuff. My favorites were the peace pipes and the horse ornaments (headdresses and the like). We walked around for less than an hour, but it was a nice respite before jumping on our next tour bus.

Bus Tour #4: Brooklyn Tour
Our tour guide was an older gentleman who had a wealth of knowledge and a very different style than the almost exclusively young tour guides we had previously. He did a great job, and especially made the best out of a bad situation, as there was a ton of traffic and sweltering heat, so the experience was two hours of physical discomfort coupled with mental interest in the tour itself. We ended the tour with sunburns on our arms and faces, but they cleared up relatively quickly, so they didn’t completely ruin the trip. (The building is a shopping mall modeled after the Polo Grounds. Not sure why this is in Brooklyn, but right next door, there's one modeled after Ebbets Field.)


Bus Tour #3b: Downtown Manhattan, continued
We jumped back onto the lower Manhattan tour, but quickly jumped off to eat in Little Italy, which is known for its good food.

We didn’t want to spend too much, so we went to an inexpensive pizza place called Pomodoro’s. We got a white pizza with tons of cheese, ricotta, spinach, broccoli, and a light layer of the place’s famous vodka sauce. Oh. My. Gosh. I have never been so full from a medium pizza. Usually, we can polish off an extra large like it’s nothing. This thing was thick and the cheese was heavy. It was fantastic. I just wish they hadn’t been so stingy with the vodka sauce, because it was supposedly quite spicy (I detected no spice!).

Bus Tour #3c: Downtown Manhattan, continued
We jumped back onto the lower Manhattan bus, led by an angry European tour guide who disparaged all Manhattanites, their abundant wealth (where applicable), idiot motorists, the ridiculous heat, and pretty much anything else imaginable. It was actually very interesting, as he was giving us a lot more of the inside scoop on what it’s like to live in New York, rather than just historical information about the buildings we were passing. We arrived back at Times Square, ready for Harry Pot--er, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.

Broadway Musical #1: How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
This is the first Frank Loesser play I have seen, and considering one of my professors at FSU does lots of research on Loesser, it was about time. The script was hilarious, the songs were memorable and catchy, and it was just a generally fantastic production. We had box seats that pushed right up against the stage, so while we had a partial view, we also got a full view of the orchestra pit and were only ten to twenty feet away from the actors. The two lead roles were played by Daniel Radcliffe and John Larroquette. Radcliffe was surprisingly funny, sang competently enough, and really showed off his dancing chops in the closing number. It was such a trip to be so close to someone so famous. Larroquette (who apparently won several Emmy awards for his role on Night Court, which I’ve never watched) was over-the-top in the best of ways. He won a Tony award the other night for his role in this show, and it was well deserved. I think Radcliffe was snubbed by not being nominated, but maybe that’s just me. I could tell that he has a serious work ethic and, most importantly, that he really enjoys what he is doing. I’d like to see him in other Broadway roles.

When we left the theatre (I actually subscribe to the spelling “theater,” but all of the playhouses in New York use the alternate spelling “theatre,” so I will use that here), there was a large crowd and several police cars around. We quickly figured out that this was a group waiting for Daniel Radcliffe to emerge. We didn’t stick around, as he was probably going to take a while and we weren’t really going to catch a glimpse, anyway. Plus, we’d already had an entire evening of glimpses. Interesting fact: Harry Potter is only 5’6”.

Two of our bus tour guides mentioned the restaurant Junior’s, which they claimed had the best cheesecake ever. Well, Junior’s was right next to the Al Hirschfeld Theatre, where we saw How to Succeed, so we grabbed a chocolate marble cheesecake slice and a devil’s food cheesecake slice. Getting two slices was a mistake. The chocolate marble was just what you’d expect: a reasonably sized slice of cheesecake with a little chocolate swirled throughout. But the devil’s food. Oh, the devil’s food. Imagine this: a double-decker devil’s food cake, but one of the layers happened to be an incredibly delectable cheesecake. Let’s just say the 1186 calories estimated online seems low. But worth it. Oh, so worth it.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Broadway musicals are pretty much my favorite thing ever, and we had found a way to see them for ridiculously low prices. And guess what? Wednesday has matinee and evening performances! Long story short, I got us front row tickets to an off-Broadway performance of Avenue Q (which pretty much swept Wicked of all Tony awards several years ago) for $26.50 each (list price: $126.50). Sara got us matinee tickets to Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark for $30 each (list price: $142).

Broadway Musical #2: Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark
Okay, so out of all the shows we saw in New York, these were the worst seats, the show featured the worst script, the worst music, etc. But the lady next to us paid $145 for her ticket, so it seems our bad seats weren’t too horrible at $30. Not to mention, while we had a very limited view of the stage, the action we most wanted to see took place above the orchestra section. Mezzanine tickets cost the same amount as orchestra tickets for this show, and for good reason: Spiderman and other characters fly around the entire theatre--up to the two levels of balconies, over the the audience, in the rafters, etc. It was really groundbreaking stuff. They needed seven Spiderman flyers, in addition to the actor who played Peter Parker/Spiderman, in order to have the character be everywhere he needed to be. It was really cool. The set design was also the most amazing I have ever seen in a live performance. What the show lacked in artistic quality, it more than made up for in visual aesthetics. It will probably win most, if not all, of the technical Tony awards next year, but probably won’t even garner nominations for the writing or acting. It will be fun to see what happens.

Museum #5a: The Metropolitan Museum of Art
We quickly ran over to the Met, where we donated $5 to look around for an hour. We checked out the Greek and Roman art, the Egyptian art, and the 18th and 19th century art. I learned some new things about Sara, like that her favorite artist is Rodin and she generally prefers sculpture to painting. My favorite artist is Monet, so we checked out his paintings, as well. Then we were off for our next show.

[Off-]Broadway Musical #3: Avenue Q
This is my new favorite show. That’s some slight hyperbole, but not really. It’s easily in my top five, perhaps in my top three, and I might just argue that I’d like to see it again more than anything else. Our front row tickets were incredible, and the script was hilarious. The first line of the play is, “What do you do with a B.A. in English?” which pretty much sets up the whole concept: life is hard, and sometimes it’s hard to find your purpose. I had previously been turned off by the puppets, but I’m now completely sold. The actors actually act--they are in full view while they hold the puppets, make the appropriate facial expressions, cry the tears the puppets cannot, and perhaps most importantly, don’t make any attempts at ventriloquism. This would have been very distracting and it was a good decision to ignore the practice. Two early songs that give you a good idea of what the show is like are “It Sucks To Be Me” and “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist.” Man, I could probably write ten pages just about how good this show is, but I’ll stop here. See the show if you get a chance.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

First order of morning business: grab some more Broadway tickets. We got a late start, so we were concerned that we might have missed out on the rush tickets, but the first theatre we tried offered us $27 tickets to Catch Me If You Can (list price: $62). Score.

By this point in the week, I was in pretty sore shape, with a blister on my toe, sunburned arms and face, chafed legs, and the soles of my feet absolutely aching. Spending $22 in Walgreen’s took care of most of these problems, and it was the best $22 we spent the whole trip. It was also kind of crazy to purchase medical supplies in the building on which the Times Square Ball (is that what it’s called? It’s the ball that drops on New Year’s Eve, in any case) is located.

Brooklyn Hare Krishna Temple, Trip 2
Sara corresponded with the temple president via email and set up a time to talk to him. We spent three or four hours at the temple this day and got to eat some delicious food. One of the things I like about the Hare Krishna faith is the fact that providing food, called prashadam, is one of their religious practices. Their food is offered to Krishna, therefore the person eating the food is brought closer to God. More holy envy. In any case, Sara got two great and very long interviews with the temple president and another gentleman to whom he introduced us. This was a great turnaround from our previous trip, and we left feeling quite good about things.

We headed back to Manhattan, where the heavens opened and we found ourselves stranded in the rain. We ducked under the awning of a storefront, and I was feeling pretty stupid. When we were packing for our trip, Sara suggested bringing umbrellas. In my previous trip, street vendors had everything we needed, so I told her not to bother because we would have no problem getting them. Well, we had not seen any umbrellas for sale and I was starting to worry that I had made the wrong decision. However, within a few minutes a guy walked by with a cart yelling, “Umbrellas for sale!” We paid him $10 for two and stayed mostly dry for the rest of the night. New York is great because if people see a business opportunity, they’ll take it, which works out for all involved. And great bargains can be found!

Before heading to the evening’s show, we stopped in a pizza place called Famous Amadeus. We got a couple of buffalo chicken slices that were divine, but the problem was that there was so much chicken on the pizza that we couldn’t keep it from falling off. I suppose this is a good problem to have (as long as it falls on the plate!).

Broadway Musical #4: Catch Me If You Can
Our seats for this were in the mid-mezzanine, but they were dead center, which means we had a full view. Awesome. The show followed the plot of the movie pretty closely, but gave Hanratty a little more character development, which is why Norbert Leo Butz won the Tony award for his portrayal. He was very funny. The main difference between the musical and the movie (besides the added song and dance numbers), is that the actors break the fourth wall constantly, deliberately addressing the audience as they tell their story. The music was not particularly memorable, but the show was a blast, anyway. It’s not one I’m dying to see again, but given the price and the opportunity, it was well worth our time. And we got to see a Tony winner in action!

Friday, June 10, 2011

By this point, our clothes were pretty filthy. Quite fortunately, there was a full-service laundry right across the street from our hotel. We paid them $7, they washed and folded our clothes. A brilliant time saver that made the last days of the trip much more enjoyable.

At our subway stop at the Rockefeller Center, we noticed a gyro cart called Sara Halal food. Given that Sara’s name is right on the cart, we had to get a couple of $4 gyros. And they were delicious. Oh, so delicious.

Brooklyn Hare Krishna Temple, Trip 3
At about noon, we headed off to help the Krishna group prepare for their Saturday festival, the Rath Yatra. We picked flowers and sewed garlands for several hours, but I was determined to see a show, so I left Sara at about 4:00 to continue helping while I went in search of some more cheap tickets. After I left, Sara interviewed a traveling kirtan (what she is studying) musician who also plays violin. Very cool. Even cooler: the girl writes a blog about kirtan, so she then interviewed Sara, who will apparently be featured in her next blog post. She’s also played at all of the other temples Sara will be visiting for her research, so they may just meet again. I’m not sure how Sara feels about it, but I think this was the most fortuitous interview she received. (To be fair, though, I haven’t yet watched the film of it. But it just sounds so cool.)

As I said, I was determined to see a show, and I targeted The Book of Mormon, which was up for fourteen Tony awards (and won most of them, including Best Musical, Best Book, Best Score, Best Actress, and a bunch of technical ones). Needless to say, my attempt to see the show will be controversial with a lot of people, but I had previously listened to the music and found myself intrigued. Yes, the creators make a living poking fun at all kinds of groups, but you can tell they have genuine affection for Mormons and are not really attacking. There will be people that take offense, but keep in mind the lesson often taught in church: you choose whether or not to be offended. I actually think The Book of Mormon is a good thing, as the writers clearly did their research and present the Church’s beliefs in a straightforward and accurate manner. Yes, there are some touchy subjects that are addressed, but nothing is downright wrong, except for things which are presented as being wrong. Anyway, moving on.

Being that it is so popular, The Book of Mormon does a lottery for $30 tickets, the first fourteen of which are front row and the last eight of which are box seats. The guy running the lottery was very funny, and the experience was actually a lot of fun, but my name was not called. I quickly ran over to the theatre where Billy Elliot was playing and got two tickets for $31.50 each (list price: $81.50).

Sara came up from her Brooklyn research and we went to another pizza place called A Slice of New York Pizzeria. We had been seeing penne pasta pizza slices for sale, and we grabbed a couple. They were essentially cheese pizza with penne pasta as a topping, covered with ricotta cheese. You’d think the dough and the pasta would be too much, but you’d be wrong. They were excellent slices of pizza, but way overpriced at $5 each.

Broadway Musical #5: Billy Elliot
Our seats were in the fourth row of the mezzanine, but to the far right. They were a somewhat obstructed view, but I wouldn’t call them bad tickets. This was the first show we saw with child actors, and they were all excellent. The music was written by Elton John, and it was better than the U2-composed Spiderman, but still not the best music I’ve ever heard in musical theatre. What was really impressive was the kid (about age 11) who played Billy Elliot. The story takes place during the 1984 British coal miners strike, where young Billy finds himself to be a naturally gifted dancer. The story was surprisingly engaging, but the real highlight was this young kid’s dancing. He could do tap, jazz, ballet, everything. It was incredible. I don’t really have the words to describe it, so go see it if you’re into that sort of thing. It was pretty amazing.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

This was the big day, the reason we came to New York. Rath Yatra. Before we joined the group of thousands of Krishna devotees, we purchased $26.50 tickets (list price: $96.50) to Memphis, last year’s Tony winner. Then it was time for research. However, Sara’s research is not my research, so I dropped her off at the parade that began the Rath Yatra festivities and went to enter The Book of Mormon lottery again. And yet again, I lost, so I quickly ran over and purchased a matinee ticket to Mary Poppins for $32 (list price: $62).

Rathyatra Parade, 5th Avenue, Manhattan
I had about 75 minutes until Mary Poppins started, so I ran several blocks, hoping to find the parade, which I did. They had three big carts and thousands of devotees chanting the Hare Krishna mantra (Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare). These are the three names of God, and Krishna devotees believe that just by hearing them chanted, one is enlightened. By participating, one is more likely to be reincarnated into a family of Krishna devotees, which is a nice thought, since I enjoy participating in their music.

Before I could find Sara, I met a devotee who I walked with in the parade for a bit. His best friend growing up was Mormon, and when I told him about Sara’s research and asked if she could interview him later, he agreed. I then found Sara and introduced them. She made arrangements to interview him, and then while she filmed the parade, I snapped still photos. The parade was enjoyable for the few minutes I participated, and then I was off for Mary Poppins.

Broadway Musical #6: Mary Poppins
I’m not crazy about going to see stage productions of movies I’ve already seen, especially if there’s no new music (they did add a few songs), but Mary Poppins was excellent. This was a theatre with three levels, and I was in the top level, but I had a full view. The set design was amazing, and some of the special effects were downright flabbergasting (“How did they do that?!”). At the end, Mary Poppins used her umbrella to fly right up to the top of the theatre, so she was within thirty feet of me on the top level. Very cool, but the flying was not quite as cool as Spiderman.

Now that my play was over, it was time to rejoin my lovely wife.

Rath Yatra Festival, Washington Square Park, Manhattan
The parade marched right down to Washington Square Park, where they had kirtan and dance performances, prashadam, and many informational booths about Krishna worship. Sara had already gotten several interviews and some great footage of performances, so the day was very productive to that end. I had some prashadam, which was delicious, and checked out some of their information. I didn’t arrive until things were slowing down, but from the aftermath, it looked like it was quite a festival. Sara worked her way through 50gb of camera memory and two camera batteries, which gave out right as the festival ended at 7:00pm. We had an 8:00pm show to catch, so we got ourselves back to Times Square.

Broadway Musical #7: Memphis
This won Best Musical at last year’s Tony Awards and for good reason. The cast was excellent, the music rocked, and the character development was excellent. The plot was loosely based on the life of the first white DJ to play black music on the radio, and centered around his relationship with a black singer (obviously quite forbidden in 1950’s era Tennessee). We had box seats again, but they were a little further back so our view wasn’t as obstructed as it might have been. Overall, the show was in the top three we saw (Avenue Q and How to Succeed being the other two).

We got another slice of Junior’s devil’s food cheesecake. Naughty, naughty.


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Rath Yatra festivities didn’t continue until 4:00pm that day, so I dropped Sara off at the Met (we donated only $1 this time), as she didn’t get her fill in our previous visit, and I went to enter a lottery for $26.50 Wicked front row seats (The Book of Mormon was dark that day). And for a third time, I lost the lottery. Saddest of days. We’d already seen most of the shows worth seeing, and the others were all dark. So this marked the end of our Broadway experience, since there were no evening shows on Sunday and no matinees on Monday (we had Monday evening plans already, as you’ll see).

Museum #5b: The Metropolitan Museum of Art
I rejoined Sara at the Met, where we checked out the musical instruments section, including a special exhibit of guitars. This was kind of lame, as no one was actually playing these instruments, and we couldn’t either. Instruments are meant to be heard, not seen. We also checked out the arms and armaments section, and it was...interesting?...seeing the brutal ways in which medieval warriors killed each other. We completely ignored the guns. Guns are lame. Give me swords and spears and axes any day. Also, samurai armor is way cooler than European knight armor. Just saying.

We decided to walk across Central Park to the subway, which we were going to take to Brooklyn to continue Sara’s research. The park was very nice (interesting fact: it is completely man-made over a swamp. One bus tour guide said Central Park is just as elaborately planned as any skyscraper in the city), but when we got to the other side, there was a huge Puerto Rican pride parade going on (another interesting fact: there are more Puerto Ricans in New York City than there are in Puerto Rico). This slowed us down significantly. Unfortunate.

Brooklyn Hare Krishna Temple, Trip 4
Sara got several hours of footage of kirtan, performances of events from the Bhagavad Gita (their main book of scripture), and other celebrations. We also ate more delicious prashadam. No interviews tonight, but she had already gotten plenty, and it was just too loud and crowded to try to talk to any individuals. The footage was more than worth the time, however.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Staten Island Ferry x2
Like I said, no matinees today, which was slightly heart wrenching. We instead caught the Staten Island ferry, a 25-minute boat ride past the Statue of Liberty. Actually visiting the Statue of Liberty would have cost us $30, but the Staten Island ferry is free, as there is no bridge from Manhattan to Staten Island, and people need to get around. We immediately hopped the next one back, so got a pleasant 50-minute boat tour for free. What a steal.

World Trade Center/Ground Zero
As in my previous trip, there isn’t much to see here except construction. There are a few plaques up for the firefighters who died, as well. They do have a new memorial, but it costs $15 to get in. This is ridiculous. Monetizing this national disaster doesn’t seem quite right to me.

Soup Nazi
If you watch Seinfeld, you surely are aware of the Soup Nazi. Well, we found out where his original location is, and we had to eat there. It was kind of a letdown, really. We paid $16 for a 32-ounce container of shrimp corn chowder, which was delicious, but nowhere near worth the price. It did come with an orange, a single slice of bread, and a Lindor truffle ball, so that’s something. But it was some blond chick who sold it to us, not the Soup Nazi! Disappointing, but it was really good soup.

Baseball Game #2: Yankees vs. Indians
We sat in the bleachers, and the Bleacher Creatures are a lot of fun, despite the loud obscenities. I did really enjoy their calling out the name of each player in turn, and not stopping until the player turned and waved. Fun to see. Nick Swisher is a hoot. I’ve always liked him, but I’m a much bigger fan now. Also, this was a historic game, as it was the first game the Yankees lost 1-0 in the new Yankee Stadium. It took three years, but we got to see it. We also saw Derek Jeter’s 2,994th hit, before he injured himself and had to get taken out of the game. Jerk.




Tuesday, June 14, 2011
One last falafel sandwich, and then we flew home. It was sad.

Overall, this trip was pretty much the most fun I’ve ever had in my entire life and I totally want to move to New York now. Going to Broadway shows on a regular basis would be just about the coolest thing for which I could ever hope. I don’t necessarily want to spend my whole life in New York, but living there for five years or so would be a crazy cool experience. I hope someday I get a chance.

Oh, and incidentally, the grand total we spent on 13 Broadway tickets was $375. Face value? $1343. I
love New York.

Friday, May 13, 2011

No Idea Where This Will Go

I feel like I should blog, don't really have anything to do otherwise, and have at least ninety minutes to kill. That being said, I don't really even know what I'm going to write about it. Therefore, this could end up being incredibly short...or my longest post yet, assuming I give in to my all-controlling need to ramble.

Now that I have used the word "ramble," Led Zeppelin is stuck in my head. "Ramble On" has been mentioned on my blog before, and now I am now mentioning it again. It's crazy the way things come full circle.

Which brings me to The Lion King. I haven't watched that movie in years, but I used to love it so hardcore. I could quote entire scenes verbatim. Now I'm not so crazy about it, even though I saw it live at the Pantages years ago. Generally seeing something live increases my enjoyment of that thing, but this was not necessarily the case with The Lion King. Don't get me wrong--I'm glad I saw it, I'd see it again, and it was by no means bad. It's just that in this instance, my love was not increased.

My best example of an increase in enjoyment after having seen something performed live is the Elliott Smith song, "The Biggest Lie." The song seemed boring and overly simple to me at one point, but then I saw it live when Elliott played in Silverlake back in 2001. All of a sudden, I enjoyed the song. Now I can't pick up a guitar without playing the solo. Those double stops are just a blast.

When it comes to soloing, I'm not very good. I've gotten better as the years go by, but I'm just such a better rhythm guitar player. I wish this wasn't the case. I really want to be a badass soloist, like Jimmy Page. Jimmy Page is a freaking rock god. And once again, I'm back at Led Zeppelin.

Did you know that Led Zeppelin spelled "led" the way they did because they thought stupid Americans would pronounce it "leed" zeppelin if they spelled it properly? The thing that's awesome about that is that they were right. Sometimes thinking ahead saves a lot of future stupidity. Just thinking about stupidity makes me sick.

But not really sick, because I haven't vomited for more than five years. At least I don't think I've vomited in more than five years. I've definitely felt nauseous, but actually given in? Never.

I pretty much fight nausea anytime I have to wake up early. Ever since I started working in an office, that's about five or six days a week. It's hell. Nausea is no fun. Other things that are no fun: gas prices, speed limits, and cats. I hate cats.

My hatred of cats stems most likely from my dad, who also hates cats. This has never been explained to me. However, in tenth grade I had a girlfriend who loved her cat more than me. This just made it my own hatred, rather than an inherited one. Stupid cats. Their constant presence in internet memes makes me want to commit seppuku.

For that matter, internet memes in general are stupid. For every one that is legitimately funny, there are 29 more that are incredibly dull. And those few that are funny are so pervasive in our culture that they cease to be funny and just simply exist. It's a horrible thing. Also, people hate on things, and this very action makes the people behind the hated things very rich. It's sad, really.

Here's a case study: Rebecca Black's "Friday" is considered by many to be the worst song ever written. (This is hardly the case, but it's certainly not a very good song. However, it's not noteworthily bad and does succeed in being catchy in the most annoying of ways. It's pretty much like all modern pop music, by that standard.) These people perpetuate the song, however, by encouraging people to listen to it, just to share how bad it really is. Thanks to them, that girl is a freaking millionaire. There's no need for excellence anymore--internet trolls make the worst of the worst more successful than anything that takes actual hard work, talent, and initiative. Awesome stuff.

So if hard work is not its own reward, what does that encourage? Laziness. It all comes back to laziness, really. Talent is useless, so why try developing it? And initiative. I took the initiative to open up Blogger, and look what happens--I write about everything and nothing, fail to be clever or interesting, and will be read by all of four people (all of whom are family members). Unless I take the initiative to post it on Facebook, which I usually do, but now I see that I need to be even worse at this thing at which I'm not even good to find any kind of success. I'm going to try:

...

See, this is why I'll never be successful. That paragraph took five times longer than any two paragraphs in this entire thing, and it wasn't even THAT bad. It's like, I really try to suck at doing things, but I always manage to be fairly competent. It's my curse.

My wife and I recently watched the Pillars of the Earth mini series. It was badass, and it included a few curses. As in actual curses by a witch or whatever, not just swear words. There were also cute lady butts. I'm a big fan of cute lady butt. Not that I don't appreciate boobs. Boobs are super important. But I won't say anything more on that subject. (Hi, Grandma!)

Besides boobs, here are some other things that are round and awesome: baseballs, citrus fruit, and globes. I actually like maps more than globes, but both are cool. I was just saying this morning that I really enjoy looking at maps. I can't explain it, but they're just so cool. That being said, I have no desire to visit most of the places included on any given map. I'm fairly cheap when it comes to travel. I feel like I have to have a need to be somewhere to warrant spending the money to get there. And my wife loves to travel. My poor wife.

And my wife is poor. I mean, she has me for a husband, and I lack the suckiness to make us any real money. Why can't I be worse at stuff?

Things that I am worse at than most people: dancing, knowing actor's names, and handwriting. My handwriting is atrocious. It's like if a first grader smoked crack and forgot with which hand he writes. Except five times worse. And with that thought, I will close.



Friday, April 29, 2011

Far Too Long Since My Last Rant

Today, I want to talk about horrible Floridian drivers. Most motorists in Florida are despicable people. California has a reputation for bad drivers, but my experience is that it's largely undeserved. Sure, there are jerks that don't know how to drive, but most are fine in California (excluding Los Angeles, of course). Florida is the opposite of that. Finding someone who knows how to drive in Florida is about as rare as finding yourself needing the product that a telemarketer is pushing on you.

Tallahassee is particularly horrible, because the traffic lights in this town are basically Satan's feces smeared all over his domain (which is, of course, Tallahassee). The traffic lights are based on timers, not sensors, and whoever the city planner was that decided on the timing is a moron. Mordecai Brown could have counted on the fingers of his right hand the number of traffic lights that are reasonable in this city. I can't tell you the amount of times I've stopped at a red light and had literally zero cars go by the opposite direction. Infuriating. This leads to a lot of people running red lights. In response, the benevolent City of Tallahassee has adjusted the timers to be more realistic and added sensors for particularly troublesome lights in town. OH WAIT. Nope, instead they instituted traffic cameras and are now pulling in $6,000 a day while decreasing yellow light time to perpetuate their scam. And yet state workers are facing pay cuts, increased costs for benefits, and layoffs. Oh, also: there has been no impact on safety from these cameras. It's just a revenue-generating scheme!

But hey, I'm way off topic. I'm trying to talk about bad
drivers, not the inherently repugnant legal system we have here in town (probably not limited to just Tallahassee, but most of the country, really). I'm just going to point out my three favorite idiot moves of which Florida drivers are regularly guilty:

1. On the freeway, I generally drive about 5 MPH over the speed limit. Many sections of the interstates here in Florida are two-lane, and there's no way I'm getting behind the 18-wheelers on the right side. I'm perfectly happy to get over for cars moving faster than I am and I usually do so. HOWEVAH, at night these faster moving cars like to flash their brights to let you know they're coming. This makes me very angry. The moment those brights flash, I become a total dick and obstinately refuse to move over. If they persist in blinding me, I make sure to get next to a car in the right lane to block them off. Yes, I realize this contributes to the problem of bad drivers in Florida, but it's freaking
insane to flash your brights at someone moving at 75 mph. I'd be interested in finding out just how many accidents this causes.

2. This is surely a problem everywhere (I certainly experienced it in California), but the ridiculously loud stereos that seem designed to project sound
out of the car rather than into it seem to be more prevalent here in Tallahassee. I don't know what these people are trying to prove, other than the fact that they are filthy cockmongers. It's worst when they drive by my apartment at 3:00 AM, engines revving and music blaring. They really should get pulled over for this ridiculous behavior.

3. This one pisses me off more than anything else on the Tallahassee roads. You know when you're at an intersection waiting to turn left and there's no dedicated left turn signal? Tallahassee drivers:
You are supposed to pull out in the intersection while you wait to turn, preferably enough to allow the car behind you to pass over the stop line. I can't tell you how many times I've had to wait through two or more red lights waiting to turn left, even when I'm second or third in line. These are the kinds of things that drive someone to insanity. I don't have twenty minutes to drive a mile.

Anyway, now it's time for me to stop ranting and have some fun. (Haha, yeah right. Everyone knows I just had a lot of fun with that rant. I just love hating so much!)


Gratuitous music quote of the day:
(Don't you just LOVE those people who put "meaningful" music quotes on their Twitter feed or Facebook status? I want in on this bandwagon! But I'll tell you what's better than something "meaningful"--something completely random, nonsensical, or taken entirely out of context.)

"But I'd rather sit back, just smoke cigarettes, be the one with the loudest mouth, be the most closed minded as I could get." Less Than Jake, "Sugar in Your Gas Tank"

Incidentally, I saw Less Than Jake play a couple weeks ago. It was surprisingly spectacular, and they played a bunch of songs from Losing Streak, which is very important. The show would have sucked with no songs from their best album.

Beard of the day:

Christian Bale, as everyone knows, is badass. Then he grew this awesome beard and he became a BAMF. Like me, Batman lacks connectors, but this is totally okay. I like the way he trims it up on the side but grows it thick under his chin. It's certainly not a chin strap (those are lame), but just a little heavier underneath while keeping it neat around the edges. The color is interesting, too. It doesn't quite match his hair, but this is not a problem. I can't say that he's quite taken over for Johnny Depp as my man crush, but with this beard, he's totally on the way. We'll see how Dark Knight Rises is.

Something I hate that most people like:

I can't really think of anything profound. I guess I'm just filled with love today! How about...bananas? Most people like bananas, right? I think they're gross. Ewww.

Delicious food of the moment:

Yogurt Mountain frozen yogurt. This place just opened and...holy crap. I've been frequenting YM way too often, but it's just so good. I love self-serve yogurt places, but they are also inherently corrupt. Did you ever notice that they only provide HUGE cups in which to have your yogurt? Evil. I can't just put a little bit in the bottom! I've got to fill it a decent amount. If they provided a cup half the size, I'd fill it to overflowing, feel like I'm getting more, but would be actually getting less. Psychology is some weird stuff. You can consciously know something and still be unable to overcome the tendency of which you are perfectly aware is wrong and bad. Like my tendency to fill these huge cups with too much yogurt. A few weeks ago, there was a German chocolate flavor, and it was inhumanely good. Then they got rid of it after a week. And yet banana pudding (DISGUSTING) has stuck around since they opened. Management fail. However, I went a couple nights ago and they had a new Swiss chocolate flavor. I mixed it with some peanut butter yogurt and it was basically the best thing I've ever tasted. Again: holy crap.


First song to come up after pressing "shuffle" on my iPod:

"Look Down" from the Les Misérables soundtrack.

Some people dislike Les Misérables. Those people suck. It features pretty much the greatest requisite over-acting ever and it's just so sexy. I'm not sure if I like Jean Valjean or Javert more, I just know that they are both badass. Marius is pretty much "meh." Everyone likes Eponine, and I do too, but I don't think Cosette gets a fair shake. It's probably because actresses tend to sing her parts like an over-the-top soprano (oops, sorry for the redundancy there). This is a problem. Sing like you're in musical theater, not an opera!


Current album, book, video game, and television show:

Album: Keasbey Nights by Catch 22

My buddy gave me a copy of this album and I've been enjoying it for a week or so. Between discovering Streetlight Manifesto (which was formed from the remnants of this band) a few months ago and seeing Less Than Jake, I've been really into ska lately.

Book: Banker by Dick Francis; Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Since it's been so long since I posted, I'm going to go ahead and claim two. I actually started and finished Banker yesterday. It's my second Dick Francis book and I'll definitely read more. He fits into the genre of literature that isn't necessarily profound, but is hard to put down. Similar to Dan Brown books, except Dan Brown is a horrible writer who tells a good story. Dick Francis at least has a handle on the language.

I'm going to finish Crime and Punishment, but I must admit I'm finding it tough. Dostoevsky has a tendency to write paragraphs that are three or four pages long. It makes it hard to follow the action. I'm assuming he was just trying to save paper. In any case, The Brothers Karamazov was a significantly better piece of literature.

Funny story about the Dostoevsky. My wife gave me a bunch of books from her mom's house at Christmas and somehow I got it in my head that it was Tolstoy's War and Peace. I was quite shocked to learn that I was wrong. You know what they say about Russians--they all look the same! (And, you know, write the same.)

Video game: Dragon Age 2

I ordered this the other night and it hasn't arrived yet, so I don't have anything to say. But I'm excited. Damn excited. If I don't take five weeks to post again, it's quite possible this will remain my current video game next post. And then I'll have comments, too!

TV show: Parks and Recreation

This is Parks and Rec's second time in this position. The first time it was still new to me, but now I'm at the point where I think it's the best show on TV. Thursday has three great shows (The Office, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation) and I have really come to look forward to P&R more than any of them. It's also better than Glee, The Simpsons, and maybe even How I Met Your Mother. All the characters are just so likable. In addition, there's Ron Swanson, who is my hero.

Obligatory photo of gorgeous starlet:




















Rashida Jones is also highly responsible for Parks and Rec's ascension to the top of my list. Just look at those bangs. Adorable.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Killing Time in the Courthouse

This is going to be a long post, because I have jury duty today and I need something to do. I hope you’re ready and resilient.

Gratuitous music quote of the day:
(Don't you just LOVE those people who put "meaningf
ul" music quotes on their Twitter feed or Facebook status? I want in on this bandwagon! But I'll tell you what's better than something "meaningful"--something completely random, nonsensical, or taken entirely out of context.)

“Johnny Twobags doesn’t have the blues and it makes him sad, brings him down…but not down enough to have the blues.” The Vandals, “Johnny Twobags”

Beard of the day:

See below.

Something I hate that most people like:

Applause. Man, it’s really annoying when people applaud for something that doesn’t deserve it. My most recent experience happened just a few minutes ago. I’m currently sitting in the Leon County Courthouse, doing my civic duty as a potential juror in what I hope is an awesome felony trial. The county judge came in to explain the process to us and mentioned that today is her granddaughter’s third birthday. That’s cool, it really is. I hope she gets to spend some time with the little girl tonight. But when she told us, a few people decided this was worthy of applause and clapped for her. Fact: needless or over-indulgent applause will take up about nine months of an average person’s life. That’s enough time to grow a baby. (For the record, I made that statistic up. But I’m 99% sure it’s accurate.)

This happens all too often. It’s my birthday! Applause. I got out of a speeding ticket! Applause. The library waived my late fees! Applause. Just…stop. It’s truly not appropriate behavior. A public speaker can solicit applause without even trying and it’s annoying. People need to save their claps for when they’re really needed. I declare shenanigans.

As a musician, I have a special hatred for inappropriate applause. Nothing is more annoying than going to a concert and having some wiseass (or dumbass) decide that it’s appropriate to clap in between movements. This is another situation where it becomes clear that people are all too willing to jump on the applause bandwagon. If one guy claps between movements, even people who know it’s not appropriate will join him. I’m not going to lie, I’ve joined in once or twice myself. It's tough, because if people are going to clap, you don't want the performer to think that only half the audience appreciated the piece. But mostly, I fume. I fume because they’re wasting my time and, consequently, wasting my life.

Also annoying is the standing ovation. Standing ovations are appropriate when something is really, really good. But it’s been ages since I’ve been to a play, concert, or any other event with a curtain call that hasn’t invoked a standing ovation from the majority of the audience. I’ve seen some great shows in my time and I’m the first to stand when it’s deserved. But, from my perspective, people are getting frivolous with their bipedal accolades. It’s much harder to resist the swell of a standing ovation than an inappropriate applause moment. Many times I’ve thought something was worthy of vigorous and hearty, but seated, applause. However, when everyone in my section stands, it makes me look like a negative jerk if I don’t also rise from my seat. It’s a very tricky social situation, especially if you’re among friends. There’s nothing I love more than when three or four guys stand (and it’s almost always guys) and no one else follows suit. You only see this on rare occasions, but it does happen. And when it does, it’s beautiful.

Delicious food of the moment:

Pizza. I really prefer a New York style pizza, but when it comes down to it, I’ve never found a pizza that I truly hated. The closest is Domino's, but even that will do in a pinch. I have a lot to say about pizza, so if you don’t want to read the adoring rants of a foodaholic, it is best to scroll down. Way down, because this is going to be a veritable dissertation.

I went to college in a town that had a multitude of pizza options. There were four independent shops there. I’m going to take a moment to reminisce about all of them.

The worst of the four was Arcata Pizza and Deli. They had some pretty good stuff at APD, but it was generally overpriced and not as delicious as the other options. I may have only had their pizza once or twice, to be honest. Usually, if I went to APD, it would be for the cheese fries, not the $5 slices of pizza.

Live From New York blew APD out of the water. Huge slices for under $2 and no need for toppings due to the amazing cheese and sauce combination. Due to the size of the slices and the thinness of the crust, the best way to eat a slice from LFNY was to fold it in half and eat it like a pizza taco. Delicious.

Then you had Smug’s. Smug’s was amazing. They had no tables, so you either picked up your pie or grabbed a couple slices to eat on the street. You got two slices for $3 or $4, but they were not nearly as big as the other three places in town. Still, they couldn’t have tasted any better. What I really liked about Smug’s is that they sauced their pizzas all the way to the edge before folding the crust over. The delicious result was that the crust was filled with sauce. Occasionally, if you were lucky, they had slices sauced not with marinara, but with pesto. Heaven.

Finally, you had Big Pete’s. This shop opened after I had been in Arcata for a year or two, but it grew closest to my heart. (Long parenthetical aside: Smug’s was arguably better pizza, but Pete’s was in a better location, had places to sit, and was just a generally more fun, open atmosphere. Most important were the televisions. I went to Pete’s several times a week to have a slice while watching baseball. Good times.) Pete’s featured New York style pizza with an array of toppings and sauces. My favorite was a slice with marinara, fried eggplant, and huge smears of ricotta cheese. I’m not even a fan of eggplant, but this pizza was amazing. I also recall a pizza sauced with ranch that had chicken and other goodies topping it. There were barbeque pizzas, buffalo pizzas…so many good kinds of pizza. Oh, Pete’s how I adore you. How I miss you.

In my current town of Tallahassee, good pizza isn’t nearly as prevalent. The two best places in town are Brooklyn Pizza and Momo’s. Brooklyn has some great prices for whole pies, which makes it my usual preference. Momo’s features “slices as big as your head,” and their catchphrase is not an exaggeration. I like the atmosphere at Momo’s, but the pizza is more expensive and the sauce is thin and somewhat tasteless. I generally prefer their cheese bread.

Let’s move on to corporate pizza (I told you this was going to be long, didn’t I?). I’ve already mentioned that Domino’s is the absolute dregs, but what about other places?

Pizza Hut is serviceable because of the stuffed crust. Period. I have some dear friends that invited me over to share some Pizza Hut slices recently…and they didn’t get stuffed crust. I mean, it’s only $2 extra and it enhances the experience exponentially. If it’s a matter of cost, I will pay for the stuffed crust. If it’s a matter of taste, I may have to reevaluate my friendship with this particular couple (just kidding, guys!). Pizza Hut also fails to come through on its variety of toppings. They have pepperoni and sausage, which takes care of my meat preferences, but there is literally not one vegetable on Pizza Hut’s menu that I enjoy on my pizza. I generally get only one topping anyway, but when they have a three-topping special or whatnot, I’m generally left confused and alone. And they don’t allow for extra cheese to count as one of the toppings. Tragic.

Papa John’s used to be my favorite corporate pizza. I think it was due to the buttery garlic sauce that probably packs calories more densely than cheesecake. However, Papa John’s and I have grown apart in recent years. My last several experiences there have been average at best and bland at worst. Whereas Pizza Hut serves thick, cheesy slices filled with moisture and a delectable soft texture, Papa John’s is dry and crispy. In general, soft and chewy always wins out over hard and crispy.

Hungry Howie’s and Little Caesars (yes, I checked. They don't use the apostrophe like everyone else!) are both niche places that fill the need of cheap pizza fast. It’s a tough call to declare a superior of the two. Hungry Howie’s features flavored crusts and a $5.75 pizza ready in about ten minutes. Little Caesars, on the other hand, charges only $5 and the pizza is ready the moment you walk in. The 75 cents is basically inconsequential, but the convenience of Little Caesars goes a long way. Hungry Howie’s probably tastes a little better, but Little Caesars has a delicious buffalo ranch, which is a significant point in its favor. I declare this one a draw.

This brings up another important point. Pizza is perfect on its own, but in the last five years I have discovered the wonders of ranch or bleu cheese dressing as an enhancement to the experience (also buffalo sauce!). On the surface, this is innocuous, but at a deeper level, I’m concerned. A creamy salad dressing adds way more calories than an already calorie-loaded pizza provides and may just be distracting from the flavor of the combination of ingredients that make up one of man’s finest accomplishments. On the other hand, it tastes good.

Just a little more hunger-inducing prose, I promise. My current favorite place is Flippers Pizzeria in Orlando. They have several locations in the area and I’m down there for work and recreation often enough that I’ve had their pizza at least six times in the last six months. It’s not New York style, but the crust is the perfect texture and thickness to not overwhelm the rest of the formula. The sauce is flavorful and delicious, the cheese is applied in just the perfect quantity, and the toppings. Oh, the toppings. My wife and I have found that we prefer the shredded sirloin steak and chopped hot Italian sausage, but they have numerous other mouth-watering choices. Pesto, artichoke hearts, multiple kinds of sausage and meatballs…so many choices, so little opportunity. Finally, their bleu cheese dressing is the best I’ve ever had. I kid you not. Flippers Pizzeria, at least for now, wins the heavyweight championship belt of BEST PIZZA PLACE EVER.

First song to come up after pressing “shuffle” on my iPod:

Today, I’m going to cheat. I’m trying to give myself plenty to write while I have time to kill, and the first random song is one to which I’m not sure I have ever listened. So I’m going to remove superfluous junk from my iPod right now so that a song about which I actually have something to say will be selected. Aaaaand…done. This is the only time I’m going to cheat. Promise. (At least until another day where I have hours and hours to kill arrives. Then I’ll probably cheat again.) Let me just say, I’m not cheating to avoid embarrassment—I just don’t have anything to say about a lot of the stuff on my iPod.

“Polly” by Nirvana.

This is one of the first songs I learned on the guitar and perhaps the first that I was able to sing and play at the same time. Like all Nirvana songs, it’s incredibly easy, so it’s not surprising that this would be the case.

I missed Nirvana by about five years. At the height of Kurt Cobain’s fame, I was only eight or nine and hadn’t really been exposed to any pop music, much less Nirvana. I wrote here about my experience of hearing “Rape Me” for the first time. However, between 1999 and 2001, I made up for missing Nirvana’s heyday in kind. I got all of their albums and listened to them incessantly. I learned all of the songs on my guitar. I even read a biography of Kurt Cobain.

Nowadays, I barely listen to Nirvana, but I still keep them on my iPod. Hence, “Polly.”

Current album, book, video game, and TV show:

Album: The Decline by NOFX

I’ve really reinvigorated my love of punk rock lately. NOFX is one of my all-time favorite bands and I had about ten years of catch up to do. I was familiar with The Decline at the height of my punk obsession, but I’ve really grown to love it lately. From the opening lines, “Where are all the stupid people come? | And how’d they get to be so dumb?” to the final fadeout, this 18-minute song (the only song on the album) hits on just about everything wrong in this country. While I don’t agree with every stance NOFX takes, I am impressed by their dedication to their beliefs. These guys don’t half-ass anything and it shows. Hence, they’ve lasted for nearly 30 years and are still going strong.

Book: The Book of Lights by Chaim Potok

This is the third Potok book I’ve read in a row and fourth overall. I’m only about 60 pages in, but I’m not enjoying quite as much as The Chosen, The Promise, or My Name is Asher Lev. That being said, it took me a while to get into the story of Asher Lev, so we’ll see where this book takes me.

Video game: Lego Harry Potter

My wife doesn’t play a lot of video games with me, but she enjoyed (or at least claimed to enjoy) playing Lego Star Wars. Given that Harry Potter is better than Star Wars (BLASPHEMY), this seemed like a no-brainer. And it has certainly been fun so far.

(Hey, just a quick aside. The Star Wars movies are infinitely better than the Harry Potter movies. But the Harry Potter books absolutely dominate the Star Wars movies. Still, comparing books to movies is an unfair comparison, since movies are, as a rule, inferior to books. Just had to make that clear.)

TV show: Dexter

I’ve been hearing buzz about this show for a while, so I watched the first two seasons over the last couple weeks. BAD. ASS. This show is not for the faint of heart, but I hardly fit into that group. After all, I AM A PRODUCT OF THE LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AND HAVE BEEN PROPERLY DESENSITIZED TO VIOLENCE AND DEBAUCHERY. Being that I’m from the computer era, I should also know better than to type a sentence in all caps. I apologize. No, hold your applause. Seriously.

Beard of the day/Obligatory photo of gorgeous starlet:











This may not be the best picture of Natalie Portman ever (far from it, really), but she's standing here with a Hasidic Jew and it is awesome. I really like Jews. I'm not Jewish myself, but there's something about their culture that really appeals to me. It could be the beards.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Music, Beards, and Something to Make Hippies Angry

...come to think of it, there's a lot of things I do to make hippies angry.

Nothing extra today, just a list-style post.

Gratuitous music quote of the day:
(Don't you just LOVE those people who put "meaningf
ul" music quotes on their Twitter feed or Facebook status? I want in on this bandwagon! But I'll tell you what's better than something "meaningful"--something completely random, nonsensical, or taken entirely out of context.)

"Oh, the snot has caked against my pants...it has turned into crystal."
Love, "Live and Let Live"

Beard of the day:

Let's continue with the baseball beards. Bruce Sutter, the grandfather of the splitter, was also an impressive connoisseur of facial hair. While he lacks the good fortune to be wearing Giants gear, his beard is no less impressive than that of Brian Wilson. He pulls off the impressive trick of having a thick beard without looking sloppy (some may argue he needs a haircut, but how could one argue against such finely-honed facial hair?). This is a guy you look at and say, "I bet that guy gets some serious tail with that beard." I'm sure he did. He's Brucefreaking Sutter. Note his dazed look. He's clearly tired from being up all night doing it with beard groupies. What a man.


Something I hate that most people like:
Flip-flops! Or sandals of any kind, really. I just don't find it comfortable, man. I've tried to like flip-flops at various times in my existence, but they tend to hurt the top of my feet and in between my toes. The flapping around bugs me b
ecause my mobility is hindered, and I can't stand my feet getting super dirty. Also, I don't know how anyone could walk into a bathroom with flip-flops on. I'm surprised most of the people in California, Florida, and Hawaii haven't acquired major filth-borne illnesses (not that I'm particularly squeamish, but it's just gross). Flip-flops will never be my friends.

HOWEVAH, I do like shoes that go on quickly and easily. I've worn Vans for years, even though I've never owned a skateboard. It's just that you can tie them once and then just slip them on and off easily. My last four or five pairs of shoes have been the exact same all-black Vans. I wear them for work, play, church, and everything else I have to do. People probably think I'm really disrespectful, but I just don't believe that we should be judged on clothes. The problem with my Vans is that I have to wear them with socks,
which is fine except if I just want to go out to check the mail or whatever.

I'm thinking of getting a pair of crocs, as they can be worn sockless and offer more support than stupid flip-flops. Also acceptable would be a pair of slippers with a hard sole. I had these memory foam slippers with a hard sole once. They wer
e heaven. I was a grad assistant at the time and I even taught class in them. So very nice. Then I wore them in the rain and they got ruined. I miss those slippers.

Delicious food of the moment:
Chipotle burrito bols (sic, in case you doubt my awesomeness). I take my Chipotle very seriously, but I've only gotten a burrito there twice. Both times were a disappointment. The proportions are just all wrong and they don't mix it up at all (yes, I know they will, but it wouldn't help enough, anyway).

For years I got the soft tacos. I would always get f
our so that I could get one with each type of meat. Then I got a bite of the hard shell tacos and I was temporarily converted. Then last year my sister introduced me to the glory that is the burrito bol. I have a very specific formula: rice, two scoops of black beans, a scoop of pinto beans, half barbacoa, half carnitas, hot salsa, enough sour cream to drown a squirrel, and cheese. Get some tortilla chips with which to scoop it all up and you have a masterpiece of faux-Mexican perfection. Also, an extra thing of hot salsa to dump on it when the sour cream is gone. I have one complaint: the corn has little chunks of onion in it. Otherwise, I'd totally add the corn to the epic goodness. As is, Chipotle is the food of the gods.
First song to come up after pressing "shuffle" on my iPod:
"When It Comes Down To You" by Against All Authority.

Despite a great band name, I don't know enough about this to really comment. I decided to try out their music recently and while I don't hate it, I haven't felt particularly compelled to continue listening. In listening to this song, I can say that I like the horns.

Boring one this time, but not quite embarrassing. Get ready. It will come.

Current album and TV show:
Album: Everything Goes Numb by Streetlight Manifesto

I'm not going to lie. This album rocks my socks. And as you can probably tell from above, I am usually wearing socks. Guys, ska is really, really good when mixed with punk rock. It's just the way of the world. If you can't accept this, then you really need to review your priorities in life.

TV Show: Glee

Look, I'm not going to lie. I love Glee. How can I possibly deny something so good? Tuesday's episode featured Gwyneth Paltrow, to which I say "meh." Her character isn't as great as everyone seems to think. In fact, she's rather one-dimensional and not particularly likable in her single dimension. She also failed to be sexy in an episode entitled "Sexy." That's a problem. She pulls off pretty, but doesn't really have any appeal beyond that.

What was awesome was the treatment of Santana and Brittany's relationship. Kurt has always annoyed me. I feel like they've dealt with his homosexuality in a preachy, stereotypical, and sometimes offensive way. Santana and Brittany were dealt with in tenderness and something with legitimate feeling (especially surprising, given the characters).

Also, "Landslide" was really, really good. I just wish Gwyneth Paltrow hadn't been involved. Of course, she's better than Stevie Nicks. I hate Fleetwood Mac.

Obligatory photo of gorgeous starlet:



















I used to like Rachel, but the more I watch the show, it seems like Quinn is the best looking one. Or maybe Santana. Hard to say.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Good Husband/Bad Husband and Other Randomness

So, I went to the chiropractor today and I realized something random about myself. This incredibly good looking girl was giving me a massage and I started having this fantasy of her propositioning me. Now, you might think that I'm a terrible husband, but the thing is this: in my little daydream, I chuckle and say, "Well, I'm very flattered, but you see, I'm married and I totally love my wife. I'm sorry to deprive you of the awesome that is me, but you're a pretty girl and I'm sure you'll find someone whose beard might someday have the potential to match my own. Now, continue rubbing me in a sensual but non-erotic way. Thank you!" When I really take a close look at it, I realize that I do this all the time. I'm constantly hoping hot girls will hit on me so that I can flash my left hand and shoot them down (gently, because I'm not a jerk). Of course, in order for girls to hit on me, I would need to have something that appealed to them. An epic beard only takes one so far. So am I a good husband because I fantasize about breaking girls hearts on behalf of my wife or am I a bad husband because I fantasize about other girls, never mind the capacity?

Guys don't generally get hit on, anyway. I'm pretty sure the only time that I have been hit on was a joke. I was at this sports bar, not to socialize or drink or really do anything except watch the MLB playoffs (I didn't have cable, you see). Of course,it was a Friday night so the bar is packed, so I find a chair, plant myself in the middle of the floor with the best view of the TV, and ignore everything going on around me. (I'm pretty sure it was the 2007 NLCS, because I remember the Rockies were playing. I'm too lazy to look up who they beat, but this is all beside the point, anyway.) This cute brunette came up to me and said, imitating Austin Powers, "Do I make you horny, baby?" I looked up for a couple seconds, shrugged, and said, "Yeah, a little." Then I turned my attention back to the game. I expect her girlfriends dared her to come over to talk to me as a gag. I mean, I was sitting in a chair by myself in a crowded bar watching TV with no food or drink. I don't see how I could have been particularly alluring. I hope I didn't ruin her night by making her think she got shot downby a loser. It's just...baseball!
Now for some more randomness.
Gratuitous music quote of the day:
(Don't you just LOVE those people who put "meaningful" music quotes on their Twitter feed or Facebook
status? I want in on this bandwagon! But I'll tell you what's better than something "meaningful"--something completely random, nonsensical, or taken entirely out of context.)
"The corner store sells finer scotch...but who's got uncut powder?"
-NOFX, "Herojuana"

Beard of the day:


As this is my first "beard of the day" feature, I have to start with the man himself, Brian Wilson. Look at those connectors. Those are manly connectors. The thickness, the texture...it's all just so good. He is also wearing the orange-billed Giants hat, which earns him extra points of pure awesome. Does he dye or does it just adapt? Who cares?! This is a perfect example of a perfect beard. End of story. You're welcome.



Something I hate that most people like:Olives. Their texture is gross. Their flavor is disgusting. Their ability to ruin otherwise wonderful Mexican, Italian, or Greek food is downright horrifying. How people can eat these little fruits of the devil is beyond me. Like with most food I hate, I want to like them. I see those bars at the grocery store with all the various spiced and stuffed olives and I wish that I liked them so I could get the ones filled with cheese. But I can't, so I don't. They are evil and they ruin some of my otherwise favorite foods. Down with olives!

Delicious food of the moment:


Cheez-Its! How is it possible for one cracker to pack so much cheesy punch? Other crackers are good, but they're better with peanut butter or gouda or some delicious form of soft cheese. Cheez-Its do not need help being delicious. They simply exist and it is deliciousness enough. Wash them down with a nice gold glass of milk and you have a snack that you will not regret. Goldfish never stood a chance! Viva la Cheez-Its!




First song to come up after pressing "shuffle" on my iPod:"Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin.

Besides "Stairway to Heaven," this is the first song that made me aware of Led Zeppelin. It's sad that, while a literally perfect song, "Stairway" managed to overshadow everything else the group ever did. When it comes to pure rock, Led Zeppelin is quite honestly the pinnacle of everything society has always worked toward. And yet, most people only know of them for one song that doesn't really fit in with everything else they did and perpetuates the problem of rock songs reaching past eight minutes. "Ramble On" is a better example of how much they rock at a more reasonable playtime, but it doesn't really show off their blues roots (See Led Zeppelin I for that).

Man, that's the second awesome song that's come up since I started doing this. I have way more embarrassing/lame stuff on my iPod. It's just a matter of time before I am forced to publicly humiliate myself. I can't wait.

Obligatory photo of gorgeous starlet:




















Cobie Smulders makes Christmas in March possible. It's just what she does.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Something Good, Something Bad, Something Angry, Something Sad

Something good:
I played catch for the first time in ages today. I intend to do it more often. It was really, really fun until the sun came out, at which point it became hellish. And it's only March.

Something bad:
It's only March. And when the sun is out, it's hellish. Gosh, I hate Tallahassee.
Something angry:
Gas prices magically jumped from about $3.15 to $3.50. I know I'm a spoiled American and Europeans pay way more, but the fact is that I'm an American and I deserve to pay less money. I think it's in the constitution or whatever.

Something sad:
Gaby Sanchez will not be joining my fantasy team this year. Thus far in the draft, I haven't really missed out on anyone I was targeting whom I also thought I had a chance to get on my team. Sanchez was the first. Let us all hope he will be the last.

Gratuitous music quote of the day:
(Don't you just LOVE those people who put "meaningful" music quotes on their Twitter feed or Facebook
status? I want in on this bandwagon! But I'll tell you what's better than something "meaningful"--something COMPLETELY EFFING RANDOM, nonsensical, or taken entirely out of context.)
"Your skin is something that I stir into my tea."
-
Joanna Newsom, "Clam, Crab, Cockle, Cowrie"

Something I hate that most people like:Pink Floyd. I can't really enunciate why I dislike them so much, but I really do. I guess the fact that I've never tried acid has something to do with it. One time I was watching this animated version of Dark Side of the Moon with my way overboard hippie ex-girlfriend. Watching what I perceived as disturbing images while listening to music that was designed purely to be trippy was making me feel literally sick to my stomach. I asked her to turn it off. She was so freaking pissed.

First song to come up after pressing "shuffle" on my iPod:"Bob" from the NOFX/Rancid BYO Split Series.

I don't remember how I discovered this particular gem of brilliance, but can I just say that this is pretty much the greatest idea ever? Two great bands take six songs from the other group and cover them. HEAVEN. You don't have to actually like punk to realize that this is an epic idea. THINK ABOUT IT.

Current album, book, video game, and TV Show:Album: Energy by Operation Ivy
Book: My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok
Video Game: Mass Effect 2
TV Show: Parks and Recreation

Obligatory picture of gorgeous starlet:















Oh, Zooey. Your superiority knows no bounds.