Friday, May 13, 2011

No Idea Where This Will Go

I feel like I should blog, don't really have anything to do otherwise, and have at least ninety minutes to kill. That being said, I don't really even know what I'm going to write about it. Therefore, this could end up being incredibly short...or my longest post yet, assuming I give in to my all-controlling need to ramble.

Now that I have used the word "ramble," Led Zeppelin is stuck in my head. "Ramble On" has been mentioned on my blog before, and now I am now mentioning it again. It's crazy the way things come full circle.

Which brings me to The Lion King. I haven't watched that movie in years, but I used to love it so hardcore. I could quote entire scenes verbatim. Now I'm not so crazy about it, even though I saw it live at the Pantages years ago. Generally seeing something live increases my enjoyment of that thing, but this was not necessarily the case with The Lion King. Don't get me wrong--I'm glad I saw it, I'd see it again, and it was by no means bad. It's just that in this instance, my love was not increased.

My best example of an increase in enjoyment after having seen something performed live is the Elliott Smith song, "The Biggest Lie." The song seemed boring and overly simple to me at one point, but then I saw it live when Elliott played in Silverlake back in 2001. All of a sudden, I enjoyed the song. Now I can't pick up a guitar without playing the solo. Those double stops are just a blast.

When it comes to soloing, I'm not very good. I've gotten better as the years go by, but I'm just such a better rhythm guitar player. I wish this wasn't the case. I really want to be a badass soloist, like Jimmy Page. Jimmy Page is a freaking rock god. And once again, I'm back at Led Zeppelin.

Did you know that Led Zeppelin spelled "led" the way they did because they thought stupid Americans would pronounce it "leed" zeppelin if they spelled it properly? The thing that's awesome about that is that they were right. Sometimes thinking ahead saves a lot of future stupidity. Just thinking about stupidity makes me sick.

But not really sick, because I haven't vomited for more than five years. At least I don't think I've vomited in more than five years. I've definitely felt nauseous, but actually given in? Never.

I pretty much fight nausea anytime I have to wake up early. Ever since I started working in an office, that's about five or six days a week. It's hell. Nausea is no fun. Other things that are no fun: gas prices, speed limits, and cats. I hate cats.

My hatred of cats stems most likely from my dad, who also hates cats. This has never been explained to me. However, in tenth grade I had a girlfriend who loved her cat more than me. This just made it my own hatred, rather than an inherited one. Stupid cats. Their constant presence in internet memes makes me want to commit seppuku.

For that matter, internet memes in general are stupid. For every one that is legitimately funny, there are 29 more that are incredibly dull. And those few that are funny are so pervasive in our culture that they cease to be funny and just simply exist. It's a horrible thing. Also, people hate on things, and this very action makes the people behind the hated things very rich. It's sad, really.

Here's a case study: Rebecca Black's "Friday" is considered by many to be the worst song ever written. (This is hardly the case, but it's certainly not a very good song. However, it's not noteworthily bad and does succeed in being catchy in the most annoying of ways. It's pretty much like all modern pop music, by that standard.) These people perpetuate the song, however, by encouraging people to listen to it, just to share how bad it really is. Thanks to them, that girl is a freaking millionaire. There's no need for excellence anymore--internet trolls make the worst of the worst more successful than anything that takes actual hard work, talent, and initiative. Awesome stuff.

So if hard work is not its own reward, what does that encourage? Laziness. It all comes back to laziness, really. Talent is useless, so why try developing it? And initiative. I took the initiative to open up Blogger, and look what happens--I write about everything and nothing, fail to be clever or interesting, and will be read by all of four people (all of whom are family members). Unless I take the initiative to post it on Facebook, which I usually do, but now I see that I need to be even worse at this thing at which I'm not even good to find any kind of success. I'm going to try:


See, this is why I'll never be successful. That paragraph took five times longer than any two paragraphs in this entire thing, and it wasn't even THAT bad. It's like, I really try to suck at doing things, but I always manage to be fairly competent. It's my curse.

My wife and I recently watched the Pillars of the Earth mini series. It was badass, and it included a few curses. As in actual curses by a witch or whatever, not just swear words. There were also cute lady butts. I'm a big fan of cute lady butt. Not that I don't appreciate boobs. Boobs are super important. But I won't say anything more on that subject. (Hi, Grandma!)

Besides boobs, here are some other things that are round and awesome: baseballs, citrus fruit, and globes. I actually like maps more than globes, but both are cool. I was just saying this morning that I really enjoy looking at maps. I can't explain it, but they're just so cool. That being said, I have no desire to visit most of the places included on any given map. I'm fairly cheap when it comes to travel. I feel like I have to have a need to be somewhere to warrant spending the money to get there. And my wife loves to travel. My poor wife.

And my wife is poor. I mean, she has me for a husband, and I lack the suckiness to make us any real money. Why can't I be worse at stuff?

Things that I am worse at than most people: dancing, knowing actor's names, and handwriting. My handwriting is atrocious. It's like if a first grader smoked crack and forgot with which hand he writes. Except five times worse. And with that thought, I will close.