50. The Velvet Underground: The Velvet Underground with Nico
I think Lou Reed was right to hate Nico's contributions and want to sing all the songs himself. If that had happened, this album might be higher in the rankings. Still, "Heroin" and "Waiting for the Man" are the indisputable forefathers of punk rock.
49. Led Zeppelin: House of the Holy
This album is overproduced, but there's no denying that the songs are all awesome. Robert Plant's voice sounds a little too polished, but it's not as bad as it got with later albums.
48. The Pixies: Surfer Rosa
When I was going to community college, I had this English teacher who was really a huge snob and a horrible lady. Admittedly, the semester wasn't my finest academic hour, and I certainly wasn't putting my full effort into my studies the way I did in later years. Still, I was doing B or C work, but this woman gave me a D or F on practically every assignment. I was very obsessed with music at this point in my life, and I tried to work both subtle and overt references to my favorite bands and songs in every assignment. I titled my final project "Where Is My Mind?" After it was graded, it was handed back to me and she had written, "Do I get extra points for knowing this is a Pixies song?" I was surprised, but after she gave me a D in the class, I was in no mood to give her any respect. I still think, deep in my heart, that I was treated unjustly.
47. The Offspring: Americana
Big fans of The Offspring don't like this album, but to me, it's the best work they've ever done. I admit, the MTV hits "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" and "Get a Job" were what made me aware of it, but it's everything else that makes it great (actually, I'm so sick of those two songs that I gave a large deduction to both of them for an "overplaying penalty"). To me, this album will always be closely related to Final Fantasy Tactics, as I listened to it repeatedly while I played my way through that epic game, which is in my top five favorites of all time.
46. Björk: Debut
The first time I heard Björk, I was sitting in a car with two friends. "Human Behavior" came on, and I inquired about it. My buddy told me it was Björk, and when I admitted ignorance, he said, "Björk's crazy." To this I say: Yes. Yes she is.
45. The Beatles: Beatles for Sale
My dad talks fondly of this album, as it was the one he had when he was just a young'un. It's not their best album, obviously, but I think "No Reply" and "I'm a Loser" don’t even get close to as much respect as they deserve.
44. Ben Harpers and the Innocent Criminals: Live From Mars
For me, a show that is split between a full band and a solo acoustic set is ideal. I'll say again what I've expressed before: Ben Harper is either really good or incredibly dull, but given that this is a live album, he sticks mostly to his good stuff. The cover of "Sexual Healing" is better than the Marvin Gaye original. About 70% of the rest of the songs on the album are also incredible. If I had to choose only one Ben Harper album, there is no doubt at all that this would be the one.
43. The Talking Heads: Stop Making Sense
What a great concept for a live show: start with one musician and add one for each subsequent song. I don't know why it's ranked so low, except for the fact that there was the requisite live album deduction. David Byrne is the very definition of a mad genius. Every song is brilliant. I can't stress the awesomeness of this album enough.
42. The White Stripes: Elephant
This is probably The White Stripes' best album, as every song on it is good. I've already said my piece about Meg and Jack White, so there's not much more to say.
41. NOFX: I Heard They Suck Live!
One of the greatest regrets I have about my punk days is that I never saw NOFX play live. This album just reinforces that sadness. Again, it's a good live album because the banter is there, and they play a great mix of old and new (at the time) songs.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Album Rankings: 60-51
60. Led Zeppelin: Led Zeppelin III
Led Zeppelin—and again, I'm truthfully avoiding hyperbole this time—rocks harder than any band that ever rocked hard. "Immigrant Song" is one of their best loved songs, and certainly very worthy, but the album has several other songs worthy of notoriety. The non-hits on this album are weaker than several other Zeppelin albums. But what's weak material for Zeppelin is better than what many other bands will ever achieve.
59. NOFX: Pump Up The Valuum
This is a spot where my subjective attitude becomes very apparent, I think. I loved NOFX in high school, and this is definitely not their only album on this list, but it may be ranked a little too high. Here's the thing: this was a brand new album when I was most heavily into punk, and there's something invigorating about discovering an album when it's new, unlike my experience with the vast majority of this list. Still, the justification may be unnecessary, because there are lots of good songs on this disc. But there's also some total junk.
58. The Nobodys: Generation XXX
Okay, this is probably the most unjustifiable, subjective ranking on this list. This album is profane, disgusting, immature, ridiculous, and could only be loved by a person that is all those things. If that's the case, then I am all those things, because I love this album.
In ninth grade, my exposure to punk rock was pretty much limited to The Offspring and (shudder) Blink 182. (I didn't know those bands by the term punk rock, but in retrospect, I know their roots and can actually recognize the elements of the music.) Then I met this awesome and very attractive girl who was constantly talking about punk this and punk that, and I really had no idea. She gave me this album and the impact it had on me was undeniable. Practically overnight, all I listened to was punk, and I was doing lame things like sticking safety pins through all my clothes and dying my hair purple. Despite the unfortunate style choices, I will always enjoy the great memories of my punk days. And it all started thanks to this album.
57. G. Love & Special Sauce: The Best of G. Love & Special Sauce
This is all I've heard from Mr. Love, and I like it. Some guy I barely knew gave me a copy of this many years ago. I listened to it a lot. And I like the way it sounds. There's not much else to say.
56. Minor Threat: Complete Discography
Their entire output fits on a single disc, and it's an anger-filled explosion of awesome. I decided to not give it a deduction for being a greatest hits compilation, given the fact that it's every song ever. There's no picking and choosing here. However, every song is awesome. And short.
55. Johnny Cash: At San Quentin
Johnny Cash is awesome, this album has many of his most awesome songs, and it offers what good live albums should offer: entertaining banter. But a twist is added, in that the entertaining banter takes place between Cash and potentially violent inmates of California's grand institution, San Quentin Prison. I can't believe they brought June Carter along.
54. Nirvana: Unplugged in New York
Kurt Cobain was my beginning guitar teacher. In all seriousness, I've probably played every well known Nirvana song at least once. Cobain wasn't a gifted guitar player, but he wrote good songs that you wanted to learn to play. And since I have always preferred acoustic guitar, this album was a great one to emulate. MTV hardly ever does anything right, but their Unplugged series was a really good idea. I just wish some of my favorite groups would have participated over the years.
53. Sublime: Sublime
This one imitates radio pop a lot better than 40 Oz to Freedom. But it's still some pretty grooving 90s white-boy, rock-infused reggae, and it's always a good thing to make the masses more aware of reggae. These are the songs that every college kid loves, but I can't hold that against Brad Nowell. So I ignore the annoying dreadlocked white kids and admit that at least they have some taste.
52. Elliott Smith: Figure 8
I can't stress the impact Elliott Smith had on my musical development enough. I mentioned that The Nobody's Generation XXX pulled me into punk rock, and for more than a year I listened to nothing but punk rock (Nirvana got a pass, eventually, because I was using them to learn to play guitar).
So, I listen to nothing but punk rock. I'm really into AFI, and Davey Havok starts a new band called Son of Sam. I search for songs by this band on Napster (yes, this is before Metallica and Dr. Dre threw their hissy fits), and Elliott Smith's song, "Son of Sam," comes up. I knew my uncle was a fan, and a good friend had also mentioned him to me. So I downloaded it. It's no stretch to say that Elliott Smith single handedly pulled me out of my punk-only phase. I've preferred acoustic music ever since.
This is my least favorite of his albums, but that's only because the others are so good. I would never stoop to disparaging Figure 8.
51. The Vandals: Live Fast, Diarrhea
I don't have much to say about this one. A gross title, yes, but an energetic album that I like a lot.
Led Zeppelin—and again, I'm truthfully avoiding hyperbole this time—rocks harder than any band that ever rocked hard. "Immigrant Song" is one of their best loved songs, and certainly very worthy, but the album has several other songs worthy of notoriety. The non-hits on this album are weaker than several other Zeppelin albums. But what's weak material for Zeppelin is better than what many other bands will ever achieve.
59. NOFX: Pump Up The Valuum
This is a spot where my subjective attitude becomes very apparent, I think. I loved NOFX in high school, and this is definitely not their only album on this list, but it may be ranked a little too high. Here's the thing: this was a brand new album when I was most heavily into punk, and there's something invigorating about discovering an album when it's new, unlike my experience with the vast majority of this list. Still, the justification may be unnecessary, because there are lots of good songs on this disc. But there's also some total junk.
58. The Nobodys: Generation XXX
Okay, this is probably the most unjustifiable, subjective ranking on this list. This album is profane, disgusting, immature, ridiculous, and could only be loved by a person that is all those things. If that's the case, then I am all those things, because I love this album.
In ninth grade, my exposure to punk rock was pretty much limited to The Offspring and (shudder) Blink 182. (I didn't know those bands by the term punk rock, but in retrospect, I know their roots and can actually recognize the elements of the music.) Then I met this awesome and very attractive girl who was constantly talking about punk this and punk that, and I really had no idea. She gave me this album and the impact it had on me was undeniable. Practically overnight, all I listened to was punk, and I was doing lame things like sticking safety pins through all my clothes and dying my hair purple. Despite the unfortunate style choices, I will always enjoy the great memories of my punk days. And it all started thanks to this album.
57. G. Love & Special Sauce: The Best of G. Love & Special Sauce
This is all I've heard from Mr. Love, and I like it. Some guy I barely knew gave me a copy of this many years ago. I listened to it a lot. And I like the way it sounds. There's not much else to say.
56. Minor Threat: Complete Discography
Their entire output fits on a single disc, and it's an anger-filled explosion of awesome. I decided to not give it a deduction for being a greatest hits compilation, given the fact that it's every song ever. There's no picking and choosing here. However, every song is awesome. And short.
55. Johnny Cash: At San Quentin
Johnny Cash is awesome, this album has many of his most awesome songs, and it offers what good live albums should offer: entertaining banter. But a twist is added, in that the entertaining banter takes place between Cash and potentially violent inmates of California's grand institution, San Quentin Prison. I can't believe they brought June Carter along.
54. Nirvana: Unplugged in New York
Kurt Cobain was my beginning guitar teacher. In all seriousness, I've probably played every well known Nirvana song at least once. Cobain wasn't a gifted guitar player, but he wrote good songs that you wanted to learn to play. And since I have always preferred acoustic guitar, this album was a great one to emulate. MTV hardly ever does anything right, but their Unplugged series was a really good idea. I just wish some of my favorite groups would have participated over the years.
53. Sublime: Sublime
This one imitates radio pop a lot better than 40 Oz to Freedom. But it's still some pretty grooving 90s white-boy, rock-infused reggae, and it's always a good thing to make the masses more aware of reggae. These are the songs that every college kid loves, but I can't hold that against Brad Nowell. So I ignore the annoying dreadlocked white kids and admit that at least they have some taste.
52. Elliott Smith: Figure 8
I can't stress the impact Elliott Smith had on my musical development enough. I mentioned that The Nobody's Generation XXX pulled me into punk rock, and for more than a year I listened to nothing but punk rock (Nirvana got a pass, eventually, because I was using them to learn to play guitar).
So, I listen to nothing but punk rock. I'm really into AFI, and Davey Havok starts a new band called Son of Sam. I search for songs by this band on Napster (yes, this is before Metallica and Dr. Dre threw their hissy fits), and Elliott Smith's song, "Son of Sam," comes up. I knew my uncle was a fan, and a good friend had also mentioned him to me. So I downloaded it. It's no stretch to say that Elliott Smith single handedly pulled me out of my punk-only phase. I've preferred acoustic music ever since.
This is my least favorite of his albums, but that's only because the others are so good. I would never stoop to disparaging Figure 8.
51. The Vandals: Live Fast, Diarrhea
I don't have much to say about this one. A gross title, yes, but an energetic album that I like a lot.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Album Rankings: 70-61
70. Rusted Root: When I Woke
I used to be a theater kid, and I did three plays with a choreographer who used to play this during stretches. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I thought it sounded rather like African music. It’s filled with percussion, yes, but it just shows my ignorance. I didn’t know anything about world music then, though. This album starts off with five or six very good tracks, but gets kind of boring at the end. I still tend to listen to it fairly often. “Ecstasy” is just too good a song to ignore.
69. Sticky Fingers: The Rolling Stones
This is one of the Stones’ finest efforts. “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking?” is one of my favorite songs, and is also featured in every cocaine scene of every movie, ever. Seriously, pay attention to what song is playing during scenes where characters are doing cocaine. Every time.
68. Eminem: The Slim Shady LP
In eighth grade or so, “My Name Is…” was playing all over the radio and MTV, and for some reason I decided I liked it. So one night my dad takes my sister and myself to The Wherehouse (is that even a franchise, or was it a local shop in my town?), where we are given some money to buy one CD each. In the car, he asks what we bought. I show him the cover, carefully covering the “Parental Advisory” label with my thumb. My sister, who was in fourth grade or so, is aware that it was a naughty album and tells both my mom and dad as soon as we got home. They demand to see it and—if you’re familiar with the track listing, you’ll understand why—are suitably shocked. I am driven back to The Wherehouse, where I am instructed to return the album. The clerks give me the edited version. What’s funny about the edited version is that the only swear word they delete is the “F” word, and also names of drugs. However, the names of drugs are filled with the sound of someone using the drugs. I remember a mention of pills censored with the sound of pills being cascaded onto a table. Incredible censoring, guys.
67. The Beatles: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Like their final two albums, this one is also overrated, but perhaps not as much. It really isn't as amazing as people seem to think. From everything I've read (and it's been a lot), it did seem to have a huge impact on the world. But it's not even close to being their best album, despite what all the hippies say.
66. System of a Down: Toxicity
Fans of actual hardcore will scoff at me when I say System of a Down pushes the limits on how hardcore I like my music, but I'm not really concerned what fans of actual hardcore think. System of a Down rock hard in a way that is not too intimidating, and the singer's voice is incredibly unique. They're also not profane, at least not too profane, which is nice with this type of music. I used to play guitar with a guy who had figured out how to play every song on this album by ear. I don't like it that much, but it's a pretty damn good album and easily worthy of a place on this list.
65. The Violent Femmes: The Violent Femmes
I saw The Violent Femmes play live about four or five years ago. It was fun. I remember the bass player had a single-string bass that was played by pulling a stick to change the amount of pressure on the string. I don't really know how to describe it. Their debut album is the only one with which I am familiar, and I don't feel a particular urge to explore further. Why mess with success?
64. The Rolling Stones: Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out!
Despite being a live album, this is my favorite Rolling Stones record. That might be a giveaway for what's not coming later, but I don’t really care. The performance of "Stray Cat Blues" is perfect.
63. AFI: Black Sails in the Sunset
When my great-grandpa gave me his guitar ten years or so ago, I rushed to a computer to print off some tabs and learn to play some stuff. The very first song I played? "God Called in Sick Today." A stupid and somewhat insulting title, yes, but a nice riff for a beginner, and the beginning of a long and epic journey for me.
62. Sublime: 40 Oz to Freedom
What I like about Sublime is that they're a good mix of punk and reggae, but lean towards reggae. Usually, a band that mixes punk with another genre favors punk, but not Sublime. They are a reggae band that throw in some punk flavor every once in a while. "Badfish" is my favorite Sublime song, and there are plenty of other gems here, as well.
61. The Velvet Underground: Loaded
The rest of the album is pretty good, but there are really only two songs that are necessary to mention. Completely avoiding hyperbole (seriously, this time), "Sweet Jane" and "Rock & Roll" are two of the best rock songs ever.
I used to be a theater kid, and I did three plays with a choreographer who used to play this during stretches. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I thought it sounded rather like African music. It’s filled with percussion, yes, but it just shows my ignorance. I didn’t know anything about world music then, though. This album starts off with five or six very good tracks, but gets kind of boring at the end. I still tend to listen to it fairly often. “Ecstasy” is just too good a song to ignore.
69. Sticky Fingers: The Rolling Stones
This is one of the Stones’ finest efforts. “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking?” is one of my favorite songs, and is also featured in every cocaine scene of every movie, ever. Seriously, pay attention to what song is playing during scenes where characters are doing cocaine. Every time.
68. Eminem: The Slim Shady LP
In eighth grade or so, “My Name Is…” was playing all over the radio and MTV, and for some reason I decided I liked it. So one night my dad takes my sister and myself to The Wherehouse (is that even a franchise, or was it a local shop in my town?), where we are given some money to buy one CD each. In the car, he asks what we bought. I show him the cover, carefully covering the “Parental Advisory” label with my thumb. My sister, who was in fourth grade or so, is aware that it was a naughty album and tells both my mom and dad as soon as we got home. They demand to see it and—if you’re familiar with the track listing, you’ll understand why—are suitably shocked. I am driven back to The Wherehouse, where I am instructed to return the album. The clerks give me the edited version. What’s funny about the edited version is that the only swear word they delete is the “F” word, and also names of drugs. However, the names of drugs are filled with the sound of someone using the drugs. I remember a mention of pills censored with the sound of pills being cascaded onto a table. Incredible censoring, guys.
67. The Beatles: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Like their final two albums, this one is also overrated, but perhaps not as much. It really isn't as amazing as people seem to think. From everything I've read (and it's been a lot), it did seem to have a huge impact on the world. But it's not even close to being their best album, despite what all the hippies say.
66. System of a Down: Toxicity
Fans of actual hardcore will scoff at me when I say System of a Down pushes the limits on how hardcore I like my music, but I'm not really concerned what fans of actual hardcore think. System of a Down rock hard in a way that is not too intimidating, and the singer's voice is incredibly unique. They're also not profane, at least not too profane, which is nice with this type of music. I used to play guitar with a guy who had figured out how to play every song on this album by ear. I don't like it that much, but it's a pretty damn good album and easily worthy of a place on this list.
65. The Violent Femmes: The Violent Femmes
I saw The Violent Femmes play live about four or five years ago. It was fun. I remember the bass player had a single-string bass that was played by pulling a stick to change the amount of pressure on the string. I don't really know how to describe it. Their debut album is the only one with which I am familiar, and I don't feel a particular urge to explore further. Why mess with success?
64. The Rolling Stones: Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out!
Despite being a live album, this is my favorite Rolling Stones record. That might be a giveaway for what's not coming later, but I don’t really care. The performance of "Stray Cat Blues" is perfect.
63. AFI: Black Sails in the Sunset
When my great-grandpa gave me his guitar ten years or so ago, I rushed to a computer to print off some tabs and learn to play some stuff. The very first song I played? "God Called in Sick Today." A stupid and somewhat insulting title, yes, but a nice riff for a beginner, and the beginning of a long and epic journey for me.
62. Sublime: 40 Oz to Freedom
What I like about Sublime is that they're a good mix of punk and reggae, but lean towards reggae. Usually, a band that mixes punk with another genre favors punk, but not Sublime. They are a reggae band that throw in some punk flavor every once in a while. "Badfish" is my favorite Sublime song, and there are plenty of other gems here, as well.
61. The Velvet Underground: Loaded
The rest of the album is pretty good, but there are really only two songs that are necessary to mention. Completely avoiding hyperbole (seriously, this time), "Sweet Jane" and "Rock & Roll" are two of the best rock songs ever.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Album Rankings: 80-71
80. The White Stripes: White Blood Cells
The White Stripes are an interesting group. Only two members—who play real rock and roll as opposed to acoustic guitars—with questionable musical talent? I’ve been criticized for my love of this group before, and I’m sure I’ll be criticized again. To Meg White, I say “meh,” but I think Jack White is an incredible songwriter. The songs are simple, unique, and relatively diverse. Also, I have a man-crush on Johnny Depp, and I’m 99% positive that Jack White is Johnny Depp in disguise.
79. Dashboard Confessional: The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
Alright, this is embarrassing. I’m seriously, legitimately embarrassed, but I’ve got to be honest with myself, right? These songs are catchy. The lyrics are whiny and depressing and often make me cringe (“As for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out…”). I won’t even try to defend the lyrics. They’re bad. But I love acoustic rock, and I love catchy tunes, and I think Chris Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is has a good voice. I just wish that he would write songs about sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll. Instead we get songs about heartbreak, loneliness, and wanting to make out.
78. The Who: Tommy
Arguably Pete Townshend’s master work, and a really cool concept for a rock album. This was a little difficult to rank, because some songs were written more for the plot than to be awesomely catchy songs. Most of the songs manage to be catchy, anyway. One time, I had a Rock and Roll History teacher who claimed The Who were a power trio. I understand that they have one guitar, bass, and drums, but I will never accept a band who has a fourth member as a power trio, even if he plays no instruments. Cream was a power trio. The Who was just a rocking band.
77. AFI: The Art of Drowning
In high school, when I was really into punk rock, my friend gave this to me for my birthday. I had never heard of AFI, but I took to them like [insert cliché simile here]. I really liked them. Davey Havok’s hair, of course, was awful, but they hadn’t reached the annoying dark-pop-punk that they are now. This album was leaning that direction, but it was still legitimate. I don’t really listen to them anymore, but tracking this CD down brought back some memories.
76. The Shins: Oh, Inverted World
The first time I heard The Shins, they really reminded me of The Beach Boys. I’m not sure why this was the case, to be honest. I listen to this album now and can’t really hear any Beach-Boy-like elements, other than, you know, the use of the same basic instruments. “New Slang” is the highlight here.
75. Save Ferris: It Means Everything
In middle school, this was my absolute favorite album. “Spam” is horrible, but every other song has something to like. However, no song even comes close to “Eileen,” which is pretty much my favorite cover ever. To me, it is a Save Ferris song. Forget about that 80s band whose name I do not know.
74. Jack Johnson: Brushfire Fairytales
Jack Johnson writes really catchy songs and he plays the acoustic guitar. What else is there to be said? There’s nothing groundbreaking here, but I like it.
73. The Doors: The Doors
Remember how I said Gwen Stefani’s voice gives me syphilis? Well, Jim Morrison’s voice gives me herpes, gonorrhea, and syphilis. The funny thing is that I used to adore him. I read two biographies about him, attempted to replicate his hair, and even attempted to digest some of his “poetry” (if you know me well, you’ll know this is a big deal. I don’t read poetry. I’m a prose guy through and through). Nowadays, I can’t listen to him without squirming uncomfortably from exposure to self-righteousness. In the movie Almost Famous, the Lester Bangs character says Morrison is a drunken buffoon posing as a poet. This pretty much says it all. Still, this first album is the most bearable, and has mostly great songs. The band could have benefited from a bass player and a less annoying singer, though.
72. Michael Jackson: Thriller
Did you know that eight of the nine songs from Thriller went to number one on the pop singles chart? And do you know why? Because Michael Jackson is awesome. The end.
71. Eminem: Marshall Mathers LP
Eminem makes me feel icky, but there’s no denying that he’s got talent. I was completely opposed to rap until Eminem hit the scene. Based on this incredibly relevant and completely acceptable sample size, I’m declaring the following fact: Eminem = Elvis Presley. Don’t you see? Elvis brought traditionally black music to white people, and then Eminem came around and did the exact same thing. Scholars: back off! This is my theory. It’s off limits to all but my epically wonderful pop music textbook that I will probably never write.
The White Stripes are an interesting group. Only two members—who play real rock and roll as opposed to acoustic guitars—with questionable musical talent? I’ve been criticized for my love of this group before, and I’m sure I’ll be criticized again. To Meg White, I say “meh,” but I think Jack White is an incredible songwriter. The songs are simple, unique, and relatively diverse. Also, I have a man-crush on Johnny Depp, and I’m 99% positive that Jack White is Johnny Depp in disguise.
79. Dashboard Confessional: The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
Alright, this is embarrassing. I’m seriously, legitimately embarrassed, but I’ve got to be honest with myself, right? These songs are catchy. The lyrics are whiny and depressing and often make me cringe (“As for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out…”). I won’t even try to defend the lyrics. They’re bad. But I love acoustic rock, and I love catchy tunes, and I think Chris Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is has a good voice. I just wish that he would write songs about sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll. Instead we get songs about heartbreak, loneliness, and wanting to make out.
78. The Who: Tommy
Arguably Pete Townshend’s master work, and a really cool concept for a rock album. This was a little difficult to rank, because some songs were written more for the plot than to be awesomely catchy songs. Most of the songs manage to be catchy, anyway. One time, I had a Rock and Roll History teacher who claimed The Who were a power trio. I understand that they have one guitar, bass, and drums, but I will never accept a band who has a fourth member as a power trio, even if he plays no instruments. Cream was a power trio. The Who was just a rocking band.
77. AFI: The Art of Drowning
In high school, when I was really into punk rock, my friend gave this to me for my birthday. I had never heard of AFI, but I took to them like [insert cliché simile here]. I really liked them. Davey Havok’s hair, of course, was awful, but they hadn’t reached the annoying dark-pop-punk that they are now. This album was leaning that direction, but it was still legitimate. I don’t really listen to them anymore, but tracking this CD down brought back some memories.
76. The Shins: Oh, Inverted World
The first time I heard The Shins, they really reminded me of The Beach Boys. I’m not sure why this was the case, to be honest. I listen to this album now and can’t really hear any Beach-Boy-like elements, other than, you know, the use of the same basic instruments. “New Slang” is the highlight here.
75. Save Ferris: It Means Everything
In middle school, this was my absolute favorite album. “Spam” is horrible, but every other song has something to like. However, no song even comes close to “Eileen,” which is pretty much my favorite cover ever. To me, it is a Save Ferris song. Forget about that 80s band whose name I do not know.
74. Jack Johnson: Brushfire Fairytales
Jack Johnson writes really catchy songs and he plays the acoustic guitar. What else is there to be said? There’s nothing groundbreaking here, but I like it.
73. The Doors: The Doors
Remember how I said Gwen Stefani’s voice gives me syphilis? Well, Jim Morrison’s voice gives me herpes, gonorrhea, and syphilis. The funny thing is that I used to adore him. I read two biographies about him, attempted to replicate his hair, and even attempted to digest some of his “poetry” (if you know me well, you’ll know this is a big deal. I don’t read poetry. I’m a prose guy through and through). Nowadays, I can’t listen to him without squirming uncomfortably from exposure to self-righteousness. In the movie Almost Famous, the Lester Bangs character says Morrison is a drunken buffoon posing as a poet. This pretty much says it all. Still, this first album is the most bearable, and has mostly great songs. The band could have benefited from a bass player and a less annoying singer, though.
72. Michael Jackson: Thriller
Did you know that eight of the nine songs from Thriller went to number one on the pop singles chart? And do you know why? Because Michael Jackson is awesome. The end.
71. Eminem: Marshall Mathers LP
Eminem makes me feel icky, but there’s no denying that he’s got talent. I was completely opposed to rap until Eminem hit the scene. Based on this incredibly relevant and completely acceptable sample size, I’m declaring the following fact: Eminem = Elvis Presley. Don’t you see? Elvis brought traditionally black music to white people, and then Eminem came around and did the exact same thing. Scholars: back off! This is my theory. It’s off limits to all but my epically wonderful pop music textbook that I will probably never write.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Album Rankings: 90-81
90. Carole King: Tapestry
Until Thriller hit the scene, more copies of this album had been sold than any other record, ever. Carole King, of course, was a hit songwriter, and many of these songs had been recorded by other artists. I like the album, obviously, but I don’t really know how it was so successful. It’s really fairly generic, but maybe that’s the secret. I mean, when you listen to what’s on the radio today, it all sounds generic.
89. The Rolling Stones: Let It Bleed
The Rolling Stones are made for greatest hits compilations. Every single album they ever produced had way too much crap on it, and three or four great songs. Honestly, I may have overrated this one (in fact, I rated it lower on my first review). But it does have “Gimme Shelter” and “Midnight Rambler,” two of their best songs. And that’s got to be worth something, right? Right? Maybe not. Looking at their albums compared to The Beatles, it’s incredible that they even managed to compete. It must have been Mick Jagger’s Tina Turner impersonation. It’s the only explanation.
88. Black Sabbath: Paranoid
Pretty much, the first four songs on this album are incredible. Epic masterpieces that deserve to be enshrined in a golden conch shell for eternity. Everything else on the album is forgettable, and not worth my time. This album gets all its points from the first four songs, thus why it places so low.
87. Madonna: The Immaculate Collection
When I think of what a metalhead’s reaction would be to the idea that I would place Madonna above Black Sabbath, it makes me laugh to myself. But this is an incredible collection of songs. The last few are not as exciting as the first 75% of the compilation, but Madonna’s early career of straight dance music was awesome. I might be the only person in the world whose favorite Madonna song is “Borderline.” More people should recognize how awesome I am for this.
86. The Ditty Bops: The Ditty Bops
The tight harmonies and hauntingly sweet melodies on this album make it incredibly entertaining. It gets old after a few listens, but it’s always nice to come back after several months. I’ve never seen pictures of these women, and now I wonder: are they good looking? I just looked it up, and the answer is not really, but occasionally. Also, they are lesbians. I had wondered, and now it is confirmed.
85. Nirvana: In Utero
One time, when I was about 8 or 9, I was in the car with my mom, her brother, and her sister. Her brother flips through some stations and settles on one. At some point, my uncle gets out of the car and goes into a building (it might have been my dad’s office. The details are fuzzy! It was a long time ago! Quit scowling at me!). Anyway, this station is on, loud enough to hear but not loud enough to stifle conversation. So my mom and aunt chat, while I’m just sitting there, half listening to the music. Then this song comes on, and the singer is singing “Rape me/Rape me, my friend/Rape me/Rape me again.” Being 8 or 9, I was shocked, yet intrigued. So I’m listening to this song, and then when Cobain screams “Rape me! Rape Me!” at the end, my mom and aunt finally notice, and one of them says, “What did he turn on?” and turns it off. It would be another 6 or 7 years until I discovered In Utero, and all of a sudden I had some context for this interesting memory of mine.
84. Guns N’ Roses: Appetite For Destruction
Despite the general disparaging comments about 80s rock nowadays, there’s no denying that Appetite For Destruction is a masterpiece. Axl Rose is now a joke, and Slash spends too much time playing Guitar Hero, but this work still stands of a fine achievement in rock and roll. Some songs are better than others, but none are really worth skipping over. I would choose “Night Train” or “Mr. Brownstone” over some of the more popular tracks, but that’s just me.
83. The Beatles: Let It Be
I was tempted to give this a huge deduction for Phil Spector’s horrendous additions, but since The Beatles didn’t like his work, I opted to forgive them. Still, there’s obviously some collateral damage, because ranking a set of Beatles originals this low will be considered blasphemy by many. I love The Beatles, I really do. But I think this album is vastly overrated, as is Abbey Road. I just provoked many to rage, but I don’t care. Keep in mind that this is still on a list of albums that I like. It’s just that I like it less than 82 other albums.
82. Ben Harper: Fight For Your Mind
Ben Harper is like the Rolling Stones, in that when he is good, he’s really, really good. It’s just that there are too many songs that make me want to jam pencils in my ears. I discovered in my quest to identify my top 100 albums that, in general, I hate slide guitar. It works only one time in twenty. The rest of the time, it makes me spit with indignation. This album scores relatively high because there seems to be less slide guitar than his other albums (or at least less pain-inducing), and it contains several outstanding songs, most notably “Power of the Gospel.”
81. The Beatles: Abbey Road
I already gave away that I don’t like this album as much as most people, so no big surprise here. Again, I say: overrated. There are some good, catchy songs here, yes. But it’s definitely a band that was ready to break up. It saddens me to say this; I would have loved to see where The Beatles went in the 70s, and maybe beyond that. But it was time to end it. It is too bad they didn’t get around to playing a reunion show, but if John Lennon hadn’t been killed, I think it would have happened some time in the 90s. May we ever curse Mark David Chapman’s name.
Until Thriller hit the scene, more copies of this album had been sold than any other record, ever. Carole King, of course, was a hit songwriter, and many of these songs had been recorded by other artists. I like the album, obviously, but I don’t really know how it was so successful. It’s really fairly generic, but maybe that’s the secret. I mean, when you listen to what’s on the radio today, it all sounds generic.
89. The Rolling Stones: Let It Bleed
The Rolling Stones are made for greatest hits compilations. Every single album they ever produced had way too much crap on it, and three or four great songs. Honestly, I may have overrated this one (in fact, I rated it lower on my first review). But it does have “Gimme Shelter” and “Midnight Rambler,” two of their best songs. And that’s got to be worth something, right? Right? Maybe not. Looking at their albums compared to The Beatles, it’s incredible that they even managed to compete. It must have been Mick Jagger’s Tina Turner impersonation. It’s the only explanation.
88. Black Sabbath: Paranoid
Pretty much, the first four songs on this album are incredible. Epic masterpieces that deserve to be enshrined in a golden conch shell for eternity. Everything else on the album is forgettable, and not worth my time. This album gets all its points from the first four songs, thus why it places so low.
87. Madonna: The Immaculate Collection
When I think of what a metalhead’s reaction would be to the idea that I would place Madonna above Black Sabbath, it makes me laugh to myself. But this is an incredible collection of songs. The last few are not as exciting as the first 75% of the compilation, but Madonna’s early career of straight dance music was awesome. I might be the only person in the world whose favorite Madonna song is “Borderline.” More people should recognize how awesome I am for this.
86. The Ditty Bops: The Ditty Bops
The tight harmonies and hauntingly sweet melodies on this album make it incredibly entertaining. It gets old after a few listens, but it’s always nice to come back after several months. I’ve never seen pictures of these women, and now I wonder: are they good looking? I just looked it up, and the answer is not really, but occasionally. Also, they are lesbians. I had wondered, and now it is confirmed.
85. Nirvana: In Utero
One time, when I was about 8 or 9, I was in the car with my mom, her brother, and her sister. Her brother flips through some stations and settles on one. At some point, my uncle gets out of the car and goes into a building (it might have been my dad’s office. The details are fuzzy! It was a long time ago! Quit scowling at me!). Anyway, this station is on, loud enough to hear but not loud enough to stifle conversation. So my mom and aunt chat, while I’m just sitting there, half listening to the music. Then this song comes on, and the singer is singing “Rape me/Rape me, my friend/Rape me/Rape me again.” Being 8 or 9, I was shocked, yet intrigued. So I’m listening to this song, and then when Cobain screams “Rape me! Rape Me!” at the end, my mom and aunt finally notice, and one of them says, “What did he turn on?” and turns it off. It would be another 6 or 7 years until I discovered In Utero, and all of a sudden I had some context for this interesting memory of mine.
84. Guns N’ Roses: Appetite For Destruction
Despite the general disparaging comments about 80s rock nowadays, there’s no denying that Appetite For Destruction is a masterpiece. Axl Rose is now a joke, and Slash spends too much time playing Guitar Hero, but this work still stands of a fine achievement in rock and roll. Some songs are better than others, but none are really worth skipping over. I would choose “Night Train” or “Mr. Brownstone” over some of the more popular tracks, but that’s just me.
83. The Beatles: Let It Be
I was tempted to give this a huge deduction for Phil Spector’s horrendous additions, but since The Beatles didn’t like his work, I opted to forgive them. Still, there’s obviously some collateral damage, because ranking a set of Beatles originals this low will be considered blasphemy by many. I love The Beatles, I really do. But I think this album is vastly overrated, as is Abbey Road. I just provoked many to rage, but I don’t care. Keep in mind that this is still on a list of albums that I like. It’s just that I like it less than 82 other albums.
82. Ben Harper: Fight For Your Mind
Ben Harper is like the Rolling Stones, in that when he is good, he’s really, really good. It’s just that there are too many songs that make me want to jam pencils in my ears. I discovered in my quest to identify my top 100 albums that, in general, I hate slide guitar. It works only one time in twenty. The rest of the time, it makes me spit with indignation. This album scores relatively high because there seems to be less slide guitar than his other albums (or at least less pain-inducing), and it contains several outstanding songs, most notably “Power of the Gospel.”
81. The Beatles: Abbey Road
I already gave away that I don’t like this album as much as most people, so no big surprise here. Again, I say: overrated. There are some good, catchy songs here, yes. But it’s definitely a band that was ready to break up. It saddens me to say this; I would have loved to see where The Beatles went in the 70s, and maybe beyond that. But it was time to end it. It is too bad they didn’t get around to playing a reunion show, but if John Lennon hadn’t been killed, I think it would have happened some time in the 90s. May we ever curse Mark David Chapman’s name.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Album Rankings: 100-91
100. Tenacious D: Tenacious D
Okay, okay. They are crass. They are juvenile. They are downright satanic. But they are funny, and more importantly, their music is catchy and surprisingly intricate. The songs on this album are brilliant, but I gave a huge deduction for their betrayal of their acoustic roots; they never, ever should have even considered full band arrangements on these songs. Their whole shtick is that two guys with acoustic guitars can rock harder than nine-piece heavy metal bands, but they apparently don’t really believe that, because there was way too much distortion on this album. Listen, JB and KG, you are better than that! Get back to acoustic rock and roll and leave the electric guitars to the Jonas Brothers. Do you really want to be associated with them?
99. No Doubt: Tragic Kingdom
This was a favorite of mine when I was 12 or 13. As I listened to it for the first time in years, I realized that Gwen Stefani’s voice gives me syphilis. She just sounds like she’s trying too hard! The rest of the band is pretty good, and the songs are very catchy. It’s just that they need an attractive singer with an attractive voice. Don’t get me wrong, though. This is a good album. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be on this list.
98. Simon and Garfunkel: The Concert in Central Park
Simon and Garfunkel have a lot of great songs, and Paul Simon’s solo career has spawned a good number as well. (Art Garfunkel’s solo career has been less successful musically, although I’m pretty sure that his hair has been a principle inspiration for the wonder that is Phil Spector.) Many of these great songs appear on this album, including probably my favorite Paul Simon song, “Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover.” That being said, there is too much of Simon’s solo stuff, and the album suffers from quality issues from the crowd. All live albums have this problem to some extent, but many are made enjoyable because you get to hear entertaining banter between the crowd and the performers. No such luck with this one. Just applause and yelling, which makes this a low-quality greatest hits album with annoying pauses in between songs.
97. Björk: Vespertine
Björk was at her best when she did dance music, but that was just for one album, and then she decided to start experimenting. Though a couple good songs can be found on Post and Homogenic, they are, for the most part, horrible. I am unequivocal on this point, despite what crazy hippies may say (and we all know that crazy hippies are the biggest followers of Björk). Vespertine actually came through with lots of interesting and relatively catchy songs. I haven’t listened to any of her albums after this one, but I think it shows the first real effectiveness of the direction she started taking with Post. To me, Björk is kind of like Schoenberg: she started off doing things that were relatively standard, but then started pushing the boundaries of music. This analogy completely breaks down, however, when you consider how many tickets Björk sells compared with the amount you hear any Schoenberg work being played by a symphony orchestra. Of course, one is a relatively attractive, eccentric female and the other was bald, cocky old guy.
96. Ben Folds: Rockin’ The Suburbs
I don’t really have much to say about this one. I don’t follow Ben Folds at all and I don’t really know anything about him other than that he plays piano and sings. Years ago, a friend gave me this album. It’s got some catchy songs with some catchy piano licks. Sometimes I think they’re a little too catchy, but that’s okay, I guess. It’s the lyrics that weird me out. Sometimes I think they are songs about nothing. But they’re catchy, and catchy goes a long way.
95. Elton John: Greatest Hits 1970-2002
I saw Elton John play live a few years back. It was a good time, and he’s definitely the biggest name I’ve ever seen play. His songs from the seventies are great, but in his later years he has become a little overproduced for my taste. I have a feeling that if this was a Greatest Hits album from 1970 to 1985 or so, it would have scored much higher. But despite growing up knowing most of his best songs, this is his only actual album (or compilation, as the case may be) that I own. So it gets ranked, but loses points for the more recent hits he’s written.
94. Please Please Me: The Beatles
I’m not really sure whether or not I agree with the lack of comma between the two iterations of “please.” I mean, I think that it works without the comma, but that first please is a nonessential part of the sentence, which I generally (but not always) think should be divided from the rest of the sentence with a comma. I guess it’s okay, but I always question it. I digress.
The reason a Beatles album ranks this low is because of the abundance of covers. The Beatles didn’t really hit their stride until they did all original music a few albums after this. Of course, without the covers, we never would have gotten “Twist and Shout,” which, as everyone in the world probably already knows but I will mention it here anyway, was done in one take at the end of a day’s recording, so John Lennon’s voice was shot.
A fun anecdote about this album: when I was sixteen or seventeen, I was in Sunday School and for some reason I mentioned the Beatles’ first album, Please Please Me. Everyone in the room was shocked. They thought I was being a smart ass and that The Beatles would never name an album so suggestively. Despite my protests that I was not, people thought I was being a jerk. I mean, I was a jerk, but in that case I was innocent.
93. Al Green: Al Green’s Greatest Hits
Here’s the thing about Al Green: he is super awesome. If you try to dispute this, you will probably be struck by lightning, especially because he went from soul to gospel later in his career. Speaking of his gospel music, “Belle” is one of the greatest songs on this album. In fact, I’m recanting on the qualification. It is the greatest song on this album, and if you don’t believe me, then you clearly hate your family, friends, and community.
92. Billy Bragg: Workers’ Playtime
Billy Bragg’s delightful British accent tickles me to death. About half the album is brilliant, while the other half is incredibly generic. I understand that this album was considered a betrayal for his fans, due to the addition of other instruments besides guitar. I can definitely empathize with that, but since these are the only Billy Bragg songs I’ve heard are right here, I can’t say I’m upset. I think the sparse keyboards, bass, and drums are charming. As is his accent. Did I mention that already?
91. Flight of the Conchords: Flight of the Conchords
I am remarkably generous to place this album on the list at all, and as I type this I wonder if it was a mistake (for those who may be wondering, Paul Simon’s Songs from The Capeman was unlucky #101). But one thing I’ve learned is that I should never doubt my gut, especially when it suggests that I eat disgusting but delicious foods. The reason I may not agree with my gut is that I haven’t really listened to this album more than once. I rated it based on the TV show, from which all of these songs were drawn. Oh well. It’s just how it’s going to be, because I am incapable of deleting anything I ever write. When FOTC are on, they’re really good (“Robots,” “Hiphopopotamus Vs. Rhymenocerous,” and “The Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room),” for example), but sometimes their songs are stupid and not compelling musically or comically. I still like them. It just might not be fair to put them on this list. (I am listening to the album now, though. I inspired myself!)
Okay, okay. They are crass. They are juvenile. They are downright satanic. But they are funny, and more importantly, their music is catchy and surprisingly intricate. The songs on this album are brilliant, but I gave a huge deduction for their betrayal of their acoustic roots; they never, ever should have even considered full band arrangements on these songs. Their whole shtick is that two guys with acoustic guitars can rock harder than nine-piece heavy metal bands, but they apparently don’t really believe that, because there was way too much distortion on this album. Listen, JB and KG, you are better than that! Get back to acoustic rock and roll and leave the electric guitars to the Jonas Brothers. Do you really want to be associated with them?
99. No Doubt: Tragic Kingdom
This was a favorite of mine when I was 12 or 13. As I listened to it for the first time in years, I realized that Gwen Stefani’s voice gives me syphilis. She just sounds like she’s trying too hard! The rest of the band is pretty good, and the songs are very catchy. It’s just that they need an attractive singer with an attractive voice. Don’t get me wrong, though. This is a good album. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be on this list.
98. Simon and Garfunkel: The Concert in Central Park
Simon and Garfunkel have a lot of great songs, and Paul Simon’s solo career has spawned a good number as well. (Art Garfunkel’s solo career has been less successful musically, although I’m pretty sure that his hair has been a principle inspiration for the wonder that is Phil Spector.) Many of these great songs appear on this album, including probably my favorite Paul Simon song, “Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover.” That being said, there is too much of Simon’s solo stuff, and the album suffers from quality issues from the crowd. All live albums have this problem to some extent, but many are made enjoyable because you get to hear entertaining banter between the crowd and the performers. No such luck with this one. Just applause and yelling, which makes this a low-quality greatest hits album with annoying pauses in between songs.
97. Björk: Vespertine
Björk was at her best when she did dance music, but that was just for one album, and then she decided to start experimenting. Though a couple good songs can be found on Post and Homogenic, they are, for the most part, horrible. I am unequivocal on this point, despite what crazy hippies may say (and we all know that crazy hippies are the biggest followers of Björk). Vespertine actually came through with lots of interesting and relatively catchy songs. I haven’t listened to any of her albums after this one, but I think it shows the first real effectiveness of the direction she started taking with Post. To me, Björk is kind of like Schoenberg: she started off doing things that were relatively standard, but then started pushing the boundaries of music. This analogy completely breaks down, however, when you consider how many tickets Björk sells compared with the amount you hear any Schoenberg work being played by a symphony orchestra. Of course, one is a relatively attractive, eccentric female and the other was bald, cocky old guy.
96. Ben Folds: Rockin’ The Suburbs
I don’t really have much to say about this one. I don’t follow Ben Folds at all and I don’t really know anything about him other than that he plays piano and sings. Years ago, a friend gave me this album. It’s got some catchy songs with some catchy piano licks. Sometimes I think they’re a little too catchy, but that’s okay, I guess. It’s the lyrics that weird me out. Sometimes I think they are songs about nothing. But they’re catchy, and catchy goes a long way.
95. Elton John: Greatest Hits 1970-2002
I saw Elton John play live a few years back. It was a good time, and he’s definitely the biggest name I’ve ever seen play. His songs from the seventies are great, but in his later years he has become a little overproduced for my taste. I have a feeling that if this was a Greatest Hits album from 1970 to 1985 or so, it would have scored much higher. But despite growing up knowing most of his best songs, this is his only actual album (or compilation, as the case may be) that I own. So it gets ranked, but loses points for the more recent hits he’s written.
94. Please Please Me: The Beatles
I’m not really sure whether or not I agree with the lack of comma between the two iterations of “please.” I mean, I think that it works without the comma, but that first please is a nonessential part of the sentence, which I generally (but not always) think should be divided from the rest of the sentence with a comma. I guess it’s okay, but I always question it. I digress.
The reason a Beatles album ranks this low is because of the abundance of covers. The Beatles didn’t really hit their stride until they did all original music a few albums after this. Of course, without the covers, we never would have gotten “Twist and Shout,” which, as everyone in the world probably already knows but I will mention it here anyway, was done in one take at the end of a day’s recording, so John Lennon’s voice was shot.
A fun anecdote about this album: when I was sixteen or seventeen, I was in Sunday School and for some reason I mentioned the Beatles’ first album, Please Please Me. Everyone in the room was shocked. They thought I was being a smart ass and that The Beatles would never name an album so suggestively. Despite my protests that I was not, people thought I was being a jerk. I mean, I was a jerk, but in that case I was innocent.
93. Al Green: Al Green’s Greatest Hits
Here’s the thing about Al Green: he is super awesome. If you try to dispute this, you will probably be struck by lightning, especially because he went from soul to gospel later in his career. Speaking of his gospel music, “Belle” is one of the greatest songs on this album. In fact, I’m recanting on the qualification. It is the greatest song on this album, and if you don’t believe me, then you clearly hate your family, friends, and community.
92. Billy Bragg: Workers’ Playtime
Billy Bragg’s delightful British accent tickles me to death. About half the album is brilliant, while the other half is incredibly generic. I understand that this album was considered a betrayal for his fans, due to the addition of other instruments besides guitar. I can definitely empathize with that, but since these are the only Billy Bragg songs I’ve heard are right here, I can’t say I’m upset. I think the sparse keyboards, bass, and drums are charming. As is his accent. Did I mention that already?
91. Flight of the Conchords: Flight of the Conchords
I am remarkably generous to place this album on the list at all, and as I type this I wonder if it was a mistake (for those who may be wondering, Paul Simon’s Songs from The Capeman was unlucky #101). But one thing I’ve learned is that I should never doubt my gut, especially when it suggests that I eat disgusting but delicious foods. The reason I may not agree with my gut is that I haven’t really listened to this album more than once. I rated it based on the TV show, from which all of these songs were drawn. Oh well. It’s just how it’s going to be, because I am incapable of deleting anything I ever write. When FOTC are on, they’re really good (“Robots,” “Hiphopopotamus Vs. Rhymenocerous,” and “The Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room),” for example), but sometimes their songs are stupid and not compelling musically or comically. I still like them. It just might not be fair to put them on this list. (I am listening to the album now, though. I inspired myself!)
Monday, August 2, 2010
Intro to Objective-Subjective Analysis
Lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of music. Why have I been doing this, you—the hypothetical and nonexistent reader of this blog—may ask? Certainly not for enjoyment! No, mythical reader, I have been doing it for a project I have wanted to undertake for some time now: ranking my personal favorite top 100 albums. You see these rankings everywhere. Rolling Stone does a new one every three months or so. My album rankings will be much more subjective (obviously) and much more limited than those of Rolling Stone. Here are a couple spoilers: you won’t find any Weezer here, and you certainly won’t find any Metallica. If this makes you, phantom reader, want to leave the page right now, I say this to you: GOOD. If you think generic hogwash like that goes on my top 100 list, I don’t want you to read my blog—not that you’re reading it anyway.
Ranking this many albums is harder than you, my imaginary reader, might think. How do I decide what gets ranked above what? Do I really like this more than that? After much thought and many feeble ideas, I came up with the following system:
“Hit songs”: Tally the number of songs that are absolutely, positively indispensable to the album. Normalize to ten (so that albums with more songs don’t get an unfair advantage).
“Skippable tracks”: Tally the number of songs that are so boring or sonically unpleasing that one would have to be in a drug-induced coma to not skip them. Normalize these to ten, and subtract them from the total.
Each of the following categories received a one to ten score:
“Hits versus filler”: Many albums have some songs that can’t really be considered indispensable, but are certainly not skip-worthy. How do these songs measure up to the best songs on the album? Is there great disparity, or is the quality of the music basically maintained throughout?
“Catchiness”: This is somewhat self-explanatory, but I also considered how likely the songs were to get stuck in my head. Not that only good songs can get stuck in one’s head (sadly, it’s often the opposite), but it does indicate some level of catchiness.
“Memorability”: How well do I remember the songs on the album? If I listen to an album that I haven’t heard for a long time, are there songs I don’t remember, or does every track feel familiar?
“Tendency to Return”: How often do I listen to this album? Do I tend to come back to it every few weeks, months, years? I have fond feelings for many records I listened to in middle school, but rarely listen to them nowadays. On the other hand, some albums I discovered in my teens are still constantly being played as an adult.
“Impact”: This is a hard one to define, really. It’s more of a gut feeling I have about the album. I thought about including cultural impact for this, but I decided that this was my rankings about my favorite albums and it all has to be about me. Besides, how do I judge the cultural impact of something for which I wasn’t around? (I listen to lots of old music.) Basically, this category considers the mental, emotional, or musical impact an album has or had on me. There are a lot of factors that went into my decision on how many points to award an album, but you, ethereal reader, will just have to accept that it is perfectly, 100% accurate and not arbitrary in any way.
“Bonuses and Deductions”: Sometimes for songs that I either really love or really hate, I add or subtract half a point. Other [NOT] arbitrary decisions were made on a case-by-case basis, as will be discussed when I get to the albums.
In total, this is essentially a 60-point scale, although with the bonus system I suppose an album could have received more than 60 points. As it turned out, the highest score was 59.5, so we’ll call it a 60-point scale. I’m not going to give the actual scores the albums received, as my illusive readers will surely nitpick. I might mention specific bonuses and deductions. We’ll see how it goes.
The hard part is trying to decide what to review. My decisions on questionable content I describe here:
Classical music: No question. Classical music was excluded for the purposes of this project. I’m sure I’ll write plenty of stuff about classical music (as I have done extensively in the past), but these are pop albums that I am ranking.
Musical Theater: This is closer to being pop music, but I opted to exclude these from my rankings as well.
Greatest Hits Compilations: In some cases, all I know of a band is a greatest hits album. However, due to the very nature of this type of compilation, an unfair advantage is given. But that doesn’t mean I excluded them. Instead, I deducted six points, or 10% of the maximum score. In every case but one, I did not include a greatest hits album if I am very familiar with the studio albums of a group in question.
Live Albums: Live albums are similar to greatest hits compilations, as most bands are going to play their best songs live. However, they are legitimate albums, unlike “Best of...” records. I opted to deduct three points for live albums, or 5% of the maximum score.
Movie Soundtracks: I excluded movie soundtracks, with one exception, which I will not reveal now. I have my reasons for this exception, and will talk about them when it comes up.
When I first started this project, I tried to start ranking albums from memory, without even listening to them. No dice. I realized it was not going to work, except for the very few albums that I know so intimately that I’m practically living in sin. This meant that I was going to have to listen to every album I ranked, and how would it be fair unless I listened to every album I have ever loved? This meant, for example, that I had to track down Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other, which was my favorite album in ninth grade. Honestly, I expected it to make the top 100, but (SPOILER) it did not. Sad day. In total, I listened to more than 150 albums, some of which I didn’t even bother to rank, and others which scored very, very low. I did not even bother to track down at least another 100 albums with which I am familiar, as there was no way they were going to make the list.
Given the fact that I was trying to speed up the process, I did skip past songs on albums that I know very well. One ironic thing about this song-skipping is that songs that I love were often skipped (you know, those “non-skippable” tracks that are indispensable and got the album extra points?), but tracks that were more questionable or even absolutely horrible were given a more earnest listening, in an effort to be fair. This is the exact opposite of what I was giving and subtracting points for in the first two categories listed above!
Really, though, it was a lot of fun. I had to rack my brain and come up with all of my favorite albums from ever since I started listening to pop music. It was challenging, and I’m sure I missed some. For example, I realized, as I was writing this post, that I completely ignored Aerosmith. Now, Aerosmith isn’t one of my favorite bands, and I’ve mostly only listened to random tracks here and there, but I do recall that I used to like Hot Rocks. Theoretical reader, you might just see Hot Rocks, if I can track it down, on the list. I’m really afraid that I will think of a crucial album in the middle of this epic series of posts, and it will mess up the entire order I’ve come up with so far! And yet, if I haven’t thought of it by now, it’s going to score a one on both impact and tendency to return, and that will make it nearly impossible to make the list. We shall see. Perhaps I will curse this whole project before long and just give up. It’s not like anyone actually reads this blog and will be upset that I stopped at number 50.
One last point: I listen to a pretty diverse set of music, but my tastes are by no means exhaustive. Country and rap do appear on this list, but they are underrepresented. Some bands that I like a lot do not appear on this list, or appear very low in the rankings, because I like songs by the band, but not necessarily albums. If I had readers, they might say (spoiler!), “Hey, where the heck is Jimi Hendrix?!” And if that question were asked, I would point out that I love the song “Hey Joe,” and that Jimi Hendrix is basically all right, but I think his albums are filled with a lot of junk sitting beside the gems. There’s a large chance that if a band doesn’t appear on this list, I’m familiar with them and like some of their songs—just not enough of them from any one album.
I’ve spent enough time on this post that was written “For No One” (foreshadowing!). Soon, probably tomorrow, I will begin the list. My plan is ten posts, with ten albums for each post, counting down from 100 to 1. One final spoiler: Pink Floyd is not appearing on this list. I hate Pink Floyd. I try really hard to like them, and even listened to two albums for this project (Dark Side of the Moon and Piper at the Gates of Dawn), but I just hate them. Sorry. They’re not as bad as Metallica, but no one is as bad as Metallica (really, the final spoiler: The Black Album is in the number one spot. Count on it).
Ranking this many albums is harder than you, my imaginary reader, might think. How do I decide what gets ranked above what? Do I really like this more than that? After much thought and many feeble ideas, I came up with the following system:
“Hit songs”: Tally the number of songs that are absolutely, positively indispensable to the album. Normalize to ten (so that albums with more songs don’t get an unfair advantage).
“Skippable tracks”: Tally the number of songs that are so boring or sonically unpleasing that one would have to be in a drug-induced coma to not skip them. Normalize these to ten, and subtract them from the total.
Each of the following categories received a one to ten score:
“Hits versus filler”: Many albums have some songs that can’t really be considered indispensable, but are certainly not skip-worthy. How do these songs measure up to the best songs on the album? Is there great disparity, or is the quality of the music basically maintained throughout?
“Catchiness”: This is somewhat self-explanatory, but I also considered how likely the songs were to get stuck in my head. Not that only good songs can get stuck in one’s head (sadly, it’s often the opposite), but it does indicate some level of catchiness.
“Memorability”: How well do I remember the songs on the album? If I listen to an album that I haven’t heard for a long time, are there songs I don’t remember, or does every track feel familiar?
“Tendency to Return”: How often do I listen to this album? Do I tend to come back to it every few weeks, months, years? I have fond feelings for many records I listened to in middle school, but rarely listen to them nowadays. On the other hand, some albums I discovered in my teens are still constantly being played as an adult.
“Impact”: This is a hard one to define, really. It’s more of a gut feeling I have about the album. I thought about including cultural impact for this, but I decided that this was my rankings about my favorite albums and it all has to be about me. Besides, how do I judge the cultural impact of something for which I wasn’t around? (I listen to lots of old music.) Basically, this category considers the mental, emotional, or musical impact an album has or had on me. There are a lot of factors that went into my decision on how many points to award an album, but you, ethereal reader, will just have to accept that it is perfectly, 100% accurate and not arbitrary in any way.
“Bonuses and Deductions”: Sometimes for songs that I either really love or really hate, I add or subtract half a point. Other [NOT] arbitrary decisions were made on a case-by-case basis, as will be discussed when I get to the albums.
In total, this is essentially a 60-point scale, although with the bonus system I suppose an album could have received more than 60 points. As it turned out, the highest score was 59.5, so we’ll call it a 60-point scale. I’m not going to give the actual scores the albums received, as my illusive readers will surely nitpick. I might mention specific bonuses and deductions. We’ll see how it goes.
The hard part is trying to decide what to review. My decisions on questionable content I describe here:
Classical music: No question. Classical music was excluded for the purposes of this project. I’m sure I’ll write plenty of stuff about classical music (as I have done extensively in the past), but these are pop albums that I am ranking.
Musical Theater: This is closer to being pop music, but I opted to exclude these from my rankings as well.
Greatest Hits Compilations: In some cases, all I know of a band is a greatest hits album. However, due to the very nature of this type of compilation, an unfair advantage is given. But that doesn’t mean I excluded them. Instead, I deducted six points, or 10% of the maximum score. In every case but one, I did not include a greatest hits album if I am very familiar with the studio albums of a group in question.
Live Albums: Live albums are similar to greatest hits compilations, as most bands are going to play their best songs live. However, they are legitimate albums, unlike “Best of...” records. I opted to deduct three points for live albums, or 5% of the maximum score.
Movie Soundtracks: I excluded movie soundtracks, with one exception, which I will not reveal now. I have my reasons for this exception, and will talk about them when it comes up.
When I first started this project, I tried to start ranking albums from memory, without even listening to them. No dice. I realized it was not going to work, except for the very few albums that I know so intimately that I’m practically living in sin. This meant that I was going to have to listen to every album I ranked, and how would it be fair unless I listened to every album I have ever loved? This meant, for example, that I had to track down Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other, which was my favorite album in ninth grade. Honestly, I expected it to make the top 100, but (SPOILER) it did not. Sad day. In total, I listened to more than 150 albums, some of which I didn’t even bother to rank, and others which scored very, very low. I did not even bother to track down at least another 100 albums with which I am familiar, as there was no way they were going to make the list.
Given the fact that I was trying to speed up the process, I did skip past songs on albums that I know very well. One ironic thing about this song-skipping is that songs that I love were often skipped (you know, those “non-skippable” tracks that are indispensable and got the album extra points?), but tracks that were more questionable or even absolutely horrible were given a more earnest listening, in an effort to be fair. This is the exact opposite of what I was giving and subtracting points for in the first two categories listed above!
Really, though, it was a lot of fun. I had to rack my brain and come up with all of my favorite albums from ever since I started listening to pop music. It was challenging, and I’m sure I missed some. For example, I realized, as I was writing this post, that I completely ignored Aerosmith. Now, Aerosmith isn’t one of my favorite bands, and I’ve mostly only listened to random tracks here and there, but I do recall that I used to like Hot Rocks. Theoretical reader, you might just see Hot Rocks, if I can track it down, on the list. I’m really afraid that I will think of a crucial album in the middle of this epic series of posts, and it will mess up the entire order I’ve come up with so far! And yet, if I haven’t thought of it by now, it’s going to score a one on both impact and tendency to return, and that will make it nearly impossible to make the list. We shall see. Perhaps I will curse this whole project before long and just give up. It’s not like anyone actually reads this blog and will be upset that I stopped at number 50.
One last point: I listen to a pretty diverse set of music, but my tastes are by no means exhaustive. Country and rap do appear on this list, but they are underrepresented. Some bands that I like a lot do not appear on this list, or appear very low in the rankings, because I like songs by the band, but not necessarily albums. If I had readers, they might say (spoiler!), “Hey, where the heck is Jimi Hendrix?!” And if that question were asked, I would point out that I love the song “Hey Joe,” and that Jimi Hendrix is basically all right, but I think his albums are filled with a lot of junk sitting beside the gems. There’s a large chance that if a band doesn’t appear on this list, I’m familiar with them and like some of their songs—just not enough of them from any one album.
I’ve spent enough time on this post that was written “For No One” (foreshadowing!). Soon, probably tomorrow, I will begin the list. My plan is ten posts, with ten albums for each post, counting down from 100 to 1. One final spoiler: Pink Floyd is not appearing on this list. I hate Pink Floyd. I try really hard to like them, and even listened to two albums for this project (Dark Side of the Moon and Piper at the Gates of Dawn), but I just hate them. Sorry. They’re not as bad as Metallica, but no one is as bad as Metallica (really, the final spoiler: The Black Album is in the number one spot. Count on it).
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