Music, Beards, and Something to Make Hippies Angry

...come to think of it, there's a lot of things I do to make hippies angry.

Nothing extra today, just a list-style post.

Gratuitous music quote of the day:
(Don't you just LOVE those people who put "meaningful" music quotes on their Twitter feed or Facebook status? I want in on this bandwagon! But I'll tell you what's better than something "meaningful"--something completely random, nonsensical, or taken entirely out of context.)

"Oh, the snot has caked against my pants...it has turned into crystal."
Love, "Live and Let Live"

Beard of the day:

Let's continue with the baseball beards. Bruce Sutter, the grandfather of the splitter, was also an impressive connoisseur of facial hair. While he lacks the good fortune to be wearing Giants gear, his beard is no less impressive than that of Brian Wilson. He pulls off the impressive trick of having a thick beard without looking sloppy (some may argue he needs a haircut, but how could one argue against such finely-honed facial hair?). This is a guy you look at and say, "I bet that guy gets some serious tail with that beard." I'm sure he did. He's Brucefreaking Sutter. Note his dazed look. He's clearly tired from being up all night doing it with beard groupies. What a man.


Something I hate that most people like:
Flip-flops! Or sandals of any kind, really. I just don't find it comfortable, man. I've tried to like flip-flops at various times in my existence, but they tend to hurt the top of my feet and in between my toes. The flapping around bugs me because my mobility is hindered, and I can't stand my feet getting super dirty. Also, I don't know how anyone could walk into a bathroom with flip-flops on. I'm surprised most of the people in California, Florida, and Hawaii haven't acquired major filth-borne illnesses (not that I'm particularly squeamish, but it's just gross). Flip-flops will never be my friends.

HOWEVAH, I do like shoes that go on quickly and easily. I've worn Vans for years, even though I've never owned a skateboard. It's just that you can tie them once and then just slip them on and off easily. My last four or five pairs of shoes have been the exact same all-black Vans. I wear them for work, play, church, and everything else I have to do. People probably think I'm really disrespectful, but I just don't believe that we should be judged on clothes. The problem with my Vans is that I have to wear them with socks, which is fine except if I just want to go out to check the mail or whatever.

I'm thinking of getting a pair of crocs, as they can be worn sockless and offer more support than stupid flip-flops. Also acceptable would be a pair of slippers with a hard sole. I had these memory foam slippers with a hard sole once. They were heaven. I was a grad assistant at the time and I even taught class in them. So very nice. Then I wore them in the rain and they got ruined. I miss those slippers.

Delicious food of the moment:
Chipotle burrito bols (sic, in case you doubt my awesomeness). I take my Chipotle very seriously, but I've only gotten a burrito there twice. Both times were a disappointment. The proportions are just all wrong and they don't mix it up at all (yes, I know they will, but it wouldn't help enough, anyway).

For years I got the soft tacos. I would always get four so that I could get one with each type of meat. Then I got a bite of the hard shell tacos and I was temporarily converted. Then last year my sister introduced me to the glory that is the burrito bol. I have a very specific formula: rice, two scoops of black beans, a scoop of pinto beans, half barbacoa, half carnitas, hot salsa, enough sour cream to drown a squirrel, and cheese. Get some tortilla chips with which to scoop it all up and you have a masterpiece of faux-Mexican perfection. Also, an extra thing of hot salsa to dump on it when the sour cream is gone. I have one complaint: the corn has little chunks of onion in it. Otherwise, I'd totally add the corn to the epic goodness. As is, Chipotle is the food of the gods.

First song to come up after pressing "shuffle" on my iPod:
"When It Comes Down To You" by Against All Authority.

Despite a great band name, I don't know enough about this to really comment. I decided to try out their music recently and while I don't hate it, I haven't felt particularly compelled to continue listening. In listening to this song, I can say that I like the horns.

Boring one this time, but not quite embarrassing. Get ready. It will come.

Current album and TV show:

Album: Everything Goes Numb by Streetlight Manifesto

I'm not going to lie. This album rocks my socks. And as you can probably tell from above, I am usually wearing socks. Guys, ska is really, really good when mixed with punk rock. It's just the way of the world. If you can't accept this, then you really need to review your priorities in life.

TV Show: Glee

Look, I'm not going to lie. I love Glee. How can I possibly deny something so good? Tuesday's episode featured Gwyneth Paltrow, to which I say "meh." Her character isn't as great as everyone seems to think. In fact, she's rather one-dimensional and not particularly likable in her single dimension. She also failed to be sexy in an episode entitled "Sexy." That's a problem. She pulls off pretty, but doesn't really have any appeal beyond that.

What was awesome was the treatment of Santana and Brittany's relationship. Kurt has always annoyed me. I feel like they've dealt with his homosexuality in a preachy, stereotypical, and sometimes offensive way. Santana and Brittany were dealt with in tenderness and something with legitimate feeling (especially surprising, given the characters).

Also, "Landslide" was really, really good. I just wish Gwyneth Paltrow hadn't been involved. Of course, she's better than Stevie Nicks. I hate Fleetwood Mac.

Obligatory photo of gorgeous starlet:

I used to like Rachel, but the more I watch the show, it seems like Quinn is the best looking one. Or maybe Santana. Hard to say.

Good Husband/Bad Husband and Other Randomness

So, I went to the chiropractor today and I realized something random about myself. This incredibly good looking girl was giving me a massage and I started having this fantasy of her propositioning me. Now, you might think that I'm a terrible husband, but the thing is this: in my little daydream, I chuckle and say, "Well, I'm very flattered, but you see, I'm married and I totally love my wife. I'm sorry to deprive you of the awesome that is me, but you're a pretty girl and I'm sure you'll find someone whose beard might someday have the potential to match my own. Now, continue rubbing me in a sensual but non-erotic way. Thank you!" When I really take a close look at it, I realize that I do this all the time. I'm constantly hoping hot girls will hit on me so that I can flash my left hand and shoot them down (gently, because I'm not a jerk). Of course, in order for girls to hit on me, I would need to have something that appealed to them. An epic beard only takes one so far. So am I a good husband because I fantasize about breaking girls hearts on behalf of my wife or am I a bad husband because I fantasize about other girls, never mind the capacity?

Guys don't generally get hit on, anyway. I'm pretty sure the only time that I have been hit on was a joke. I was at this sports bar, not to socialize or drink or really do anything except watch the MLB playoffs (I didn't have cable, you see). Of course,it was a Friday night so the bar is packed, so I find a chair, plant myself in the middle of the floor with the best view of the TV, and ignore everything going on around me. (I'm pretty sure it was the 2007 NLCS, because I remember the Rockies were playing. I'm too lazy to look up who they beat, but this is all beside the point, anyway.) This cute brunette came up to me and said, imitating Austin Powers, "Do I make you horny, baby?" I looked up for a couple seconds, shrugged, and said, "Yeah, a little." Then I turned my attention back to the game. I expect her girlfriends dared her to come over to talk to me as a gag. I mean, I was sitting in a chair by myself in a crowded bar watching TV with no food or drink. I don't see how I could have been particularly alluring. I hope I didn't ruin her night by making her think she got shot downby a loser. It's just...baseball!
Now for some more randomness.
Gratuitous music quote of the day:
(Don't you just LOVE those people who put "meaningful" music quotes on their Twitter feed or Facebook status? I want in on this bandwagon! But I'll tell you what's better than something "meaningful"--something completely random, nonsensical, or taken entirely out of context.)
"The corner store sells finer scotch...but who's got uncut powder?"
-NOFX, "Herojuana"

Beard of the day:

As this is my first "beard of the day" feature, I have to start with the man himself, Brian Wilson. Look at those connectors. Those are manly connectors. The thickness, the texture...it's all just so good. He is also wearing the orange-billed Giants hat, which earns him extra points of pure awesome. Does he dye or does it just adapt? Who cares?! This is a perfect example of a perfect beard. End of story. You're welcome.

Something I hate that most people like:Olives. Their texture is gross. Their flavor is disgusting. Their ability to ruin otherwise wonderful Mexican, Italian, or Greek food is downright horrifying. How people can eat these little fruits of the devil is beyond me. Like with most food I hate, I want to like them. I see those bars at the grocery store with all the various spiced and stuffed olives and I wish that I liked them so I could get the ones filled with cheese. But I can't, so I don't. They are evil and they ruin some of my otherwise favorite foods. Down with olives!

Delicious food of the moment:

Cheez-Its! How is it possible for one cracker to pack so much cheesy punch? Other crackers are good, but they're better with peanut butter or gouda or some delicious form of soft cheese. Cheez-Its do not need help being delicious. They simply exist and it is deliciousness enough. Wash them down with a nice gold glass of milk and you have a snack that you will not regret. Goldfish never stood a chance! Viva la Cheez-Its!

First song to come up after pressing "shuffle" on my iPod:"Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin.

Besides "Stairway to Heaven," this is the first song that made me aware of Led Zeppelin. It's sad that, while a literally perfect song, "Stairway" managed to overshadow everything else the group ever did. When it comes to pure rock, Led Zeppelin is quite honestly the pinnacle of everything society has always worked toward. And yet, most people only know of them for one song that doesn't really fit in with everything else they did and perpetuates the problem of rock songs reaching past eight minutes. "Ramble On" is a better example of how much they rock at a more reasonable playtime, but it doesn't really show off their blues roots (See Led Zeppelin I for that).

Man, that's the second awesome song that's come up since I started doing this. I have way more embarrassing/lame stuff on my iPod. It's just a matter of time before I am forced to publicly humiliate myself. I can't wait.

Obligatory photo of gorgeous starlet:

Cobie Smulders makes Christmas in March possible. It's just what she does.

Something Good, Something Bad, Something Angry, Something Sad

Something good:
I played catch for the first time in ages today. I intend to do it more often. It was really, really fun until the sun came out, at which point it became hellish. And it's only March.

Something bad:
It's only March. And when the sun is out, it's hellish. Gosh, I hate Tallahassee.
Something angry:
Gas prices magically jumped from about $3.15 to $3.50. I know I'm a spoiled American and Europeans pay way more, but the fact is that I'm an American and I deserve to pay less money. I think it's in the constitution or whatever.

Something sad:
Gaby Sanchez will not be joining my fantasy team this year. Thus far in the draft, I haven't really missed out on anyone I was targeting whom I also thought I had a chance to get on my team. Sanchez was the first. Let us all hope he will be the last.

Gratuitous music quote of the day:
(Don't you just LOVE those people who put "meaningful" music quotes on their Twitter feed or Facebook status? I want in on this bandwagon! But I'll tell you what's better than something "meaningful"--something COMPLETELY EFFING RANDOM, nonsensical, or taken entirely out of context.)
"Your skin is something that I stir into my tea."
-Joanna Newsom, "Clam, Crab, Cockle, Cowrie"

Something I hate that most people like:Pink Floyd. I can't really enunciate why I dislike them so much, but I really do. I guess the fact that I've never tried acid has something to do with it. One time I was watching this animated version of Dark Side of the Moon with my way overboard hippie ex-girlfriend. Watching what I perceived as disturbing images while listening to music that was designed purely to be trippy was making me feel literally sick to my stomach. I asked her to turn it off. She was so freaking pissed.

First song to come up after pressing "shuffle" on my iPod:"Bob" from the NOFX/Rancid BYO Split Series.

I don't remember how I discovered this particular gem of brilliance, but can I just say that this is pretty much the greatest idea ever? Two great bands take six songs from the other group and cover them. HEAVEN. You don't have to actually like punk to realize that this is an epic idea. THINK ABOUT IT.

Current album, book, video game, and TV Show:Album: Energy by Operation Ivy
Book: My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok
Video Game: Mass Effect 2
TV Show: Parks and Recreation

Obligatory picture of gorgeous starlet:















Oh, Zooey. Your superiority knows no bounds.